Second Chance
by CanadianReba
Summary: This is an AU version of Unexpected Blessings taken place when Kimberley is about 15 or 16 years old. I have added a few new characters and changed the names of B'Elanna and Tom's children.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: parts of the story are written in first person. These parts are from Kathryn's point of view unless otherwise stated. Please read and comment.**

* * *

"Mommy will you do my hair please?" Kimberley Janeway emerged from her bedroom with her hairbrush in one hand and green ribbons in the other. Her auburn-red hair flew behind her as she ran. Looking up from the padd she was reading Kathryn's frown quickly turned into a smile. "Sure thing Peanut. Come stand in front of me. How do you want it done today?" 

"Like in the picture of you and daddy taken on the planet you lived on." As she put Kimberley's hair up, Kathryn wondered why her daughter would want a 'bun of steel'. Realizing what her mom was doing, Kimberley grabbed at her hair and started frantically pulling it down while scolding her mom for doing it wrong. Getting a picture from Janeway's desk she handed it to Kathryn. "This hair mama".

-----

Chakotay felt rather than saw Kathryn Janeway, Captain of the USS Voyager, step onto the bridge. As she listened to reports from Tuvok, Harry, and Tom he noticed she seemed a bit pre-occupied. After she had sat down he reached over and placed his hand on top of hers and left it there for a full three minutes before removing it. Standing up Janeway announced, "I'll be in my ready room. Commander you have the bridge."

Kathryn sat at her desk going over the weekly fuel consumption report which didn't look promising. They had used more fuel in the past two weeks than they had used the whole previous month before. "Janeway to Engineering".

"Torres here"

"B'Elanna have you had any progress on determining why our energy reserves seem to be fluctuating so badly?"

"I was just working on it Captain. I can't give you anymore information than what was in my report this morning."

"Keep working on it Lieutenant. Janeway out." Hearing her door chime ring she called for entry. "What can I do for you Commander?" she asked without taking her eyes off the padd in her hand.

"Is everything okay? You were looking pre-occupied on the bridge Kathryn."

"Chakotay?" Kathryn looked up in confusion.

"While on the Bridge I managed to keep my hand on top of yours for three full minutes and you never flinched or pulled away at all. I concluded that this lack of reaction means something was on your mind." With a smile Kathryn set down the padd, wrapped her hands around her coffee mug and leaned back in her chair. After taking a sip she explained "this morning Kimberley wanted her hair fixed like mine was in a picture. After I'd done it she gave me heck because I had used the wrong picture as a reference. She had said 'the one of you and daddy on that planet you lived on' and I thought she meant Mark and me in San Francisco but she meant the picture of me and you on New Earth." Kathryn realized that if she kept up this particular conversation she would be bringing her private life to work with her. Sitting up she picked up a padd and glanced at it. "Is there anything else Commander?" Chakotay realized what the Captain was doing but allowed her to dismiss him this way – for now. "No Captain" he replied and returned to his chair on the Bridge.

At 1400 hours he rang her door chime again to invite her to lunch. At the same moment Kimberley called. "Mama, you said we were gonna eat lunch together."

"I know I did Peanut. I've been really busy today but I'll meet you in the Mess Hall in ten minutes and we can have a snack together, okay?"

"Okay mama, Kimberley out"

Kathryn smiled at her daughter's mockery. "You're here to remind me to eat lunch too?" Smiling broadly he teased, "Now why would I need to do that?" Shaking her head she stood and waved her hand toward the door in an 'after you' manner.

------

"Tag you're it!" Kimberley yelled then ran off laughing with Naomi Wildman close on her heels.

"No fair, I wasn't ready. Kimberley get back here."

"You gotta catch me first" Kimberley yelled over her shoulder. Since she wasn't watching where she was going, Kim was unaware that someone had rounded the corner also. After bouncing off the crewman Kim stumbled into the wall and bumped her head and shoulder hard enough to need to go to Sickbay.

"Computer locate Kimberley Janeway"

"Kimberley Janeway is in Crewman Jore's quarters"

Chakotay entered and found Kim quietly sitting on the floor drawing. At the sound of his voice she jumped up and ran to him waving her paper around. "See what I drawed?" she asked shoving her picture in his face. He commented on how lovely it looked and then noticed the mark on her head where she had hit the wall earlier. "How did that happen?" he asked. After Kim told her side she told Chakotay not to say anything. "I don't want to get into trouble by mama."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you decided to run in the halls. Let's get back to the Bridge and see if the Captain is ready to go home."

"Okay" she agreed heading for the door. "Wait a minute Miss Janeway. You didn't clean up your crayons". As if suddenly remembering she went and cleaned up the mess then took Chakotay's hand in hers. "What do you say?" he prompted. Pulling one corner of her mouth into a smile she blushed furiously and bent her head down in total embarrassment. How could she have forgotten the most important part of being a guest? "Thank you for letting me stay here today Crewman Jore".

"You're welcome Miss Janeway. I had fun with you today. We'll have to do it again. Would you like that?" Kim nodded her head eagerly. Turning around she stepped on her shoelace that had come untied and she tumbled to the floor banging her knee on the way down.

Kathryn was sitting in her ready room having a cup of tea and talking with Nicole Ambrosia from Sciences. They had barely started their conversation when Janeway's door opened and Kimberley entered calling for her mom. Seeing Kathryn on the couch she ran over and whimpered, "Mama I hurted my knee."

"Oh no what happened?" Nicole asked with concern.

"My shoe untied and I falled down see?" Kim pulled up her pant leg to show them. "Did you come see mommy cause you gots an owie too?" Kim asked Nicole.

"Kimberley Ellen!" Kathryn hissed with a frown. "Sort of" Nicole answered sadly, ignoring the Captain's scold. "I'm feeling a bit sad because I miss my family back home".

"Sometimes when I'm said I draw happy pictures for mama. You should get someone to draw a happy picture for you. Then every time you look at it you'll be happy."

"That's a good idea but I don't have anyone to draw a happy picture for me". Kimberley looked around for the picture that she had carried into the room with her. Spotting it lying on the floor by the door she scrambled down from Kathryn's lap and grabbed the picture. Climbing back onto her mom's lap she handed the picture to Nicole. "Here Lootenan, you have this one". Seeing the tears in Nicole's eyes Kim sadly asked "don't you like it?"

"Yes, I do like it a lot. It's a very lovely picture and I'll put it on the wall of my quarters right after my duty shift". Naomi's voice carried through Kim's comm badge asking if she wanted to bake cookies with herself and Samantha.

"Ya" Kim answered excitedly. "Bye Lootenan, bye mama". Giving each of them a kiss and hug she ran out the door with Janeway's voice following her stating "Kimberley don't run on the Bridge". Sighing and shaking her head in exasperation Kathryn paged Samantha Wildman. "Please inform me when Kimberley is ready to leave and I'll pick her up."

"Yes Captain I will. Wildman out".

"I'll let you go Captain. I'm sure you have lots of work to do. Thank you for the tea." Nicole stated standing up and disappearing onto the Bridge.

-----

Chakotay held out the chair for Kathryn then brought the dinner plates to the table. They talked about that day's reports from Engineering and Neelix. They were talking about Kimberley and Naomi's latest ship excursion when Kathryn got a call to report to Deck 12. As it turned out, by the time she arrived, the problem had pretty much solved itself and all she was needed for was to confirm that a job assigned earlier was completed to her satisfaction. Turning to the crewmember who hailed her she tersely stated, "next time my dinner is interrupted make sure I'm actually needed for something important. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am"

"Dismissed" Janeway grumbled then stepped into the hallway. "Nicoletti to Captain Janeway."

"Yes Ensign, go ahead"

"I need to see you in the Science Lab right away"

"What's the matter Ensign?" Kathryn started to get concerned because Susan didn't call unless it was needed. "I would rather discuss it in person Captain". Looking at Chakotay Kathryn got a worried look in her eye. She heard the anxiousness in Susan's voice and that didn't make her feel very good. "Acknowledged" Kathryn answered.

"Report!" she called out a few minutes later. Susan Nicoletti was visibly shaken up and began stammering. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm always really careful about these things. I …"

"Slow it down Ensign and quit rambling. What happened?" After taking a few deep breaths Nicoletti managed to calm herself down enough to speak so the Captain and Commander could understand her. "I might as well just come right out and say it – Kimberley's sort of …gone missing"

Kathryn automatically placed one hand on her hip and the other began massaging her brow as she paced and calmed her temper. Turning back she stared at Susan in frustration. "How could she be missing? We're on a starship for crying out loud!"

"I don't know Captain. We were here in the Science Lab together then Freddie Bristow asked me to help him for a couple minutes. I told Kimberley I would be just down the hall and for her to stay right here. When I came back she was gone."

"Computer locate Kimberley Janeway" Chakotay ordered not taking his eyes off of Susan's face. Kathryn had begun looking in cupboards, under work tables, any place she thought a 4 year old would hide. "That's the first thing I did and I found her comm badge in the corridor but she was nowhere to be seen" Susan said.

Kathryn stalked over to Susan and pulled herself up to her full height, a glaring look of disapproval clearly written on her face. "Well if you were looking after her like you should have been doing then you wouldn't have to worry about where she was. _NEVER_ leave a child unattended, _especially_ a 4 year old as curious as Kimberley is. I was under the impression you already knew that!!"

"Yes ma'am" Susan acknowledged w/ a slight tremor in her voice and tears stinging her eyes.

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway. I have located Kimberley and she is unharmed."

"Thank you Tuvok. Meet me in my quarters" Janeway replied, then turned on her heel abruptly and left telling Chakotay she'd see him on the Bridge in the morning.

-----

Chakotay smiled when his Captain took the chair beside him and settled in for the start of her shift. "Where can I take you today Captain?" Tom asked from the helm.

"I think Earth sounds like a good place to go. I hear the people there are absolutely fascinating" Chakotay joined in.

"I like it. Set a course Mr. Paris, warp 5. Engage when ready"

"Aye Captain, course laid in". This had become a daily ritual for them and Kathryn found it fun, letting her take her mind off the pressures of being Captain for a moment. _Unfortunately that's only how long I can pretend_ she thought to herself glumly. She was requested to read some report or other that apparently she had now had for a few days and had not responded to. Sighing inwardly she stands up. "A Captain's job is never done. Commander the bridge is yours. Make sure Mr. Paris doesn't take the scenic route this time".

------

"MAMA! MOMMY! MAMA!!" Kathryn sat up and automatically reached for her comm badge then realized the voice was coming from the other room. Letting out a big yawn she sat down on Kimberley's bed and gently roused her daughter out of the nightmare. This had become a nightly occurrence lately. The following evening Kathryn was sitting in her chair reading when Kimberley woke up the same way as before – crying out for her mother. Kathryn had just gotten Kim settled down again and back to sleep when her door chimed.

"I could hear yelling and I came by to make sure everything is all right"

"Kimberley's been having nightmares every night since we left Kerukos last week. Sometimes even two or three times during the night"

"What are they about?" he asks sitting down on the couch opposite the chair.

"She won't tell me. Sometimes she says there are aliens coming after her to steal her away but that's all she says". Sitting down next to Chakotay on the couch Kathryn closed her eyes and rubbed a hand across them, trying to get rid of the grainy feel. She heard the shuffling feet of a not quite awake little girl and turned to see Kim rubbing her eyes with one fist while dragging her teddy bear and blanket with the other hand. "Peanut why aren't you in bed?" she asked sounding tired herself.

"I wanna sleep wiss you"

"Why don't you want to sleep in your own bed?"

"Betuz, the aliens will come back for me"

"I've already told you, there aren't any aliens going to get you in your room"

"Kathryn, if I may?" Chakotay interjected. "As a child there's a song my grandmother used to sing before I went to bed. It is a song that is used to ward off any bad spirits around the person. Maybe it will work here as well, to keep the aliens away. What do you say Peanut? If I can make your room safe so the aliens don't come by will you sleep in your own bed?" Kimberley stood there for a moment thinking about it. She wanted to be close to her mommy but also wanted Kathryn to be proud of her for being brave and sleeping in her own bed. The bravery factor won out and she nodded her head. "Otay, I sleep in my bed". She wrapped her arms around Chakotay's neck and laid her head on his shoulder as he carried her back to her room. He emerged 10 minutes later. "She's asleep again. Can I get you anything else Kathryn? Kathryn?" He walked over and found her fast asleep on the couch. She looked so peaceful and beautiful laying there before him, her chest softly rising and falling with each breath she took. Bending down he easily picked her up and carried her to her own sleeping quarters. He laid her down then he proceeded to pull off her boots and managed to somehow remove her jacket as well. He was undoing her pants – he knew how uncomfortable and unforgiving Starfleet uniforms can be – when she stirred in her sleep. He froze, afraid she had woken up but breathed a sigh of relief as she softly started snoring again. Pulling the covers over her he brushed away her bangs and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight Kathryn" he whispered and was surprised to hear her mutter "goodnight". He gave another kiss goodnight to Kimberley as well, and then returned to his own quarters for the night.

-----

We're traveling through a quiet part of space and the ship is running at peak efficiency giving me time to catch up on some long overdue paperwork. Lifting my coffee cup to my lips I find it empty. Setting it back down I stand up to stretch my back and legs. As I watch the stars streak by a picture hanging on the wall catches my eye. It was one of Peanut's 'happy pictures' she had drawn for me. She's been drawing a lot of them for me lately it seems. She's also become quite clingy, reluctant to leave my side. Times like these I desperately wish I had a counselor on board. Neelix is a great morale officer and Chakotay has been great to take on the roll of listening to the crew's problems and then bringing them to me when he deems it appropriate. "To make your job easier and lighten the burden" he explained to me once. That's been his mission from day one and he hasn't failed me yet. Sure we butt heads and for awhile our relationship was strained but true to his word he never left my side. I wouldn't have lasted a week out here in this hellish quadrant, never mind 5 years. That goes for each and every member of my crew dead or alive – including Seska and Michael Jonas.

Now where did that come from? Oh well. 'No use crying over spilled milk' as my Grandmother would say. Suddenly I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I realize the particular picture is one that Peanut made for me when I was feeling homesick after I found out Mark had re-married and I _had_ to accept that if I did make it back to Earth…no _when_ I made it back to Earth, I would have to start my life over again, anew, as a single mother to boot. That thought terrifies me, which isn't easy to do. As I reach out to touch the paper I notice my hand is trembling and the picture is becoming blurry. I squeeze my eyes shut and feel tears escape from under my lashes. My throat tightens up and my legs feel like jelly. With my back to the wall I slide down until I am sitting on the floor. I pull my knees up and hug them tight to my chest, drop my head and let the tears flow. I couldn't stop them even if I tried. As wave after wave of sobs wracked my body I was completely unaware that Kimberley had woken up and was by my side.

-----

Kathryn's eyes slowly fluttered open and she looked up to see Chakotay and the Doctor looking down at her. Her mind was still a bit fuzzy and she couldn't figure where she was. "You're in Sickbay Captain" Tuvok informed her coming into her line of vision. She groaned and put a hand to her temple as she attempted to sit up. It felt as if she had a thousand drums all beating simultaneously inside her head. "What – "her mouth was dry and her voice raspy. Swallowing she tried again, "what happened?"

"Perhaps you could tell us" the Doctor sarcastically said, receiving a disapproving glare from Kathryn. "Kimberley and the Commander found you in your quarters sobbing uncontrollably" Tuvok explained calmly.

"Well I feel better" Janeway said sitting up fully. "Thank you Doctor"

"Not so fast Captain. I want you to take the next 48 hours off. Spend time on the holodeck, read a good book, whatever. The important this is that you relax".

"TWO DAYS? I can't take two whole days off. I have a ship to run and a child to look after. I'm fine now, tell them Doctor".

"I'm sorry Captain; I have to agree with Tuvok and the Commander. For your health I am ordering you to take the next 48 hours off".

"Ordering me? I told you I'm fine!" Kathryn was now standing with her hands on her hips and facing down all three men.

"Kathryn you were in hysterics and your daughter was extremely scared. The Doctor diagnosed you as having a nervous breakdown so for the betterment of Voyager and her entire crew; you are taking a leave of duty for two days. I'll stay with Kimberley so you don't have to worry about a thing". Chakotay's eyes pleaded with her to accept what she had just been dealt. Janeway realized that she wasn't going to win this fight of three against one. Throwing her hands up in defeat she declared "FINE!" As she passed Chakotay on her way out she pointed a finger to his chest, her eyes shooting silent daggers at him, and hissed "that was low".

------

B'Elanna watched Kimberley and Michael, her 2 year old son, playing together but her thoughts were a million miles away. The kids laughed at her when she jumped at the sound of the ringing door chime. "Where's mommy?" Kim asked when the door opened. Chakotay got down to her level and explained, "Mommy is sick right now and needs to be by herself so I'm going to stay with you for a couple days. Is that okay with you?" Kim nodded her head hesitantly, not sure what else to do. She covered up her feelings as bad as Kathryn did. "How bout you watch some cartoons?" Kim slowly walked over to the couch obediently. B'Elanna placed a chip into the antique television set for the kids to watch then took Chakotay to her sleeping quarters so they could talk in private.

"How is she?" B'Elanna asked as she handed a cup of tea to Chakotay.

"Pissed" he replied. "Doctor said it was a small nervous breakdown. Had to use a mild tranquilizer to calm her down and sedate her." B'Elanna could see the worry and exhaustion he was feeling and wished she could take away some of his stress. He was her best friend – aside from Tom – and she would give anything to take away his pain. "I'm sorry Chakotay, what did you say?"

"I asked how Kimberley is doing."

"Not good I don't think, but I can't really tell. It took me an hour just to calm her down enough to bring her back here." As if on cue Kimberley wandered into the room looking like she was about to cry. "I want mama" she whimpered.

"I can't understand you when you talk with your thumb in your mouth." Removing her thumb she repeated herself. "Oh Peanut, come here sweetheart. I know you miss her, but you'll get to see her soon. It's only three sleeps including tonight and you'll get to see her for a bit during the day" Chakotay explained as he held the little girl on his lap and hugging her close.

-----

Who could be at my door at this hour? As I open it I am surprised to see Chakotay on the other side carrying a slumbering Kimberley. He looks comfortable this way as if it was something he does all the time. I reach to take her but he just shakes his head and heads to Kim's room. I watch him dress her for bed and tuck her in. Bending down he tenderly kisses her cheek and brushes the hair out of her eyes. "Goodnight Peanut" he whispers softly. I watch as she removes her thumb from her mouth and responds with "night daddy, I love you". It still shocks me sometimes because she knows Mark is her father but if she's happy calling Chakotay her daddy then who am I to interfere and correct her? It's important she has a male father figure in her life. I can understand why she picked Chakotay also, he is around quite a lot and I'm so very thankful about that.

"Penny for your thoughts"

"Hmm?"

"Are you feeling better?"

"I'm perfectly fine." Janeway says quickly, turning away from Chakotay.

"Are you sure? You seem a little … upset"

"I'm fine, really. Never felt better. Thank you for bringing Kimberley back, I'll see you tomorrow."

He was a little stunned by the way she was blowing him off so suddenly. "Sorry Kathryn, I don't believe you're 'completely fine' as you put it. You had a nervous breakdown for God's sake!" Chakotay fired back angrily. Whirling around Kathryn pulled her shoulders back, tilted her chin slightly and straightened to her full height. Looking him squarely in the eye she spoke in a sharp tone, "I DIDN'T have a nervous breakdown, Commander. I know that's what the Doctor said but he's wrong. I had a weak moment and I broke down in tears that I couldn't stop." She could see that Chakotay wasn't buying this excuse and he didn't like the fact that she was hiding behind her pips again by using rank instead of names. Looking down at his C.O. Chakotay never realized just how short she actually was when she wasn't wearing her boots. He knew it was silly to argue over something like this. Softening his features he quietly said, "I'm glad you're getting better. See you on the Bridge in 72 hours. Goodnight…Captain". With that he turned and left her quarters.


	2. Chapter 2

Kathryn's eyes flew open and she felt her heart pounding in her chest. Looking around she realized she was in her quarters aboard Voyager. Taking a couple deep breaths to calm herself down she rolled over and looked at the bedside chronometer. She had managed to get 5 hours of sleep this time before the dreams woke her up. Although the doctor had finished the memory restructuring procedure on her weeks ago after the crew was rescued from Quarra, he warned her certain things would still filter in at different times. Getting up to use the washroom she noticed a light coming from Kim's room. Peeking in she saw a younger, thinner version of herself sitting in bed reading. "How long have you been awake?" Kathryn asked the 15 year old girl. Kimberley just shrugged her shoulders without looking up. Kathryn waited a minute more for Kim to say something else but then turned and went to get ready for work. She would stop in after on her way to the Bridge to make sure Kim was up for school.

-----

"Come on Peanut wake up. You're going to be late for school"

"I'm tired" Kimberley grumbled as she rolled over.

"Too bad. Get your butt to the table" I ordered as I pulled the covers off the bed. "I have to be on the Bridge in 5 minutes, so I'll see you tonight". I made sure Kimberley was actually standing and picking out her clothes before I leave. Grabbing my coat and opening the door I see Naomi standing there. "Good morning Naomi, she's just getting dressed".

"Thanks Captain, have a good day" I hear her call back. She's such a polite child. Samantha should be very proud of her, I know I am. Stepping into the turbolift I order it to the Bridge. As it starts to move my stomach plummets and I feel like I'm about to lose my lunch, but thankfully I don't. That would be one of the fastest spreading stories aboard the ship. I could just hear it now. "The doors opened onto the Bridge and there stood the Captain retching all over the floor of the turbolift." Just the thought of it makes me feel worse and I pause at the railing separating the upper section from the command level and take a couple deep breaths to settle my queasiness. I feel a hand on my arm and Harry Kim asking if I'm alright. "I'm fine Ensign, just a little upset stomach" I reply giving him a reassuring smile.

"Perhaps you should go to Sickbay for an analgesic" he suggested.

"Thank you for your concern but I'm fine, really" I tell him in a tone that means the discussion is over. Patting his hand, which is still on my arm, reassuringly I realize his expression says he's unconvinced but thankfully he doesn't pursue the matter more.

-----

Janeway retired to her ready room half an hour into her shift trying to concentrate on the reports rather than how bad she felt. The nausea had disappeared early in the afternoon but returned by dinnertime.

"What _is_ this stuff?" Kimberley asked pushing the food around on her plate.

"It's your dinner, eat up" Chakotay said taking another bite of his own. It had become a nightly ritual that Chakotay would eat dinner with them, and then he and Janeway would go over that day's business.

"I know that, but _what_ is it?"

"Neptune fettuccine alfredo. I'm going to lie down." Kathryn said bitterly as she tossed her napkin onto her untouched plate.

"What about your dinner?"

"I'm not feeling well. I'll see you tomorrow at duty shift Chakotay." After dinner Kimberley decided to check in on her mom. She wanted to tell her about how well she did on her astronomy exam.

"Captain Janeway, please report to Holodeck 2 right away". As Kathryn sat up she was bowled over by an instant bout of nausea and dashed to the bathroom. She re-emerged looking very pale and wiping at her mouth. "Maybe you better see the doctor. You've been throwing up for days now" Kim said worriedly.

"It's just a bug. Don't stay up too late sweetie" Giving Kimberley a quick kiss on the cheek she headed out the door acknowledging the call.

-----

"Computer locate Commander Chakotay"

"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters"

When he didn't answer his door the first time, she knocked loudly on it and called his name. _What the heck is she doing?_ He thought to himself. "Daddy, I want to talk to you about mama" Kimberley said when the door was opened. As soon as she had stepped inside she continued, "I need to know if mama eats breakfast or lunch while she's on duty".

"Usually, I guess. I'm not exactly sure. Why?" he asked in confusion.

"You notice she hardly eats any dinner at all, including tonight right?" Chakotay nodded affirmatively. "Well, when she got called down to the holodeck tonight she ended up running into the bathroom and throwing up first. She also does it every morning and sometimes in the middle of the night too. She insisted it was a bug but I don't think so."

Sighing deeply he ran his hand over his face tiredly. "I've been hesitant to speak up because we both know how upset she gets when I get on her case about skipping meals".

"We gotta do something Daddy, I'm really worried", she pleaded. "I'll talk to her tomorrow, I promise". "Thanks daddy" Kimberley said hugging him tightly then returning to her quarters next door.

-----

The closer Janeway got to Sickbay, the worse she began to feel. "Computer activate EMH"

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency". Receiving no answer he followed a noise and found Kathryn dry heaving beside a biobed. "Captain, how long have you been ill?" He asked once he helped her onto the bed and pressed the hypo spray to her neck. Then taking the tricorder he ran the scanner over her body.

"A few days or so, I'm not exactly sure."

"Captain, we need to talk about this"

"Talk about what?" Kathryn demanded.

"Perhaps _how this_ happened" he said holding up the tricorder so she could see the results of the scan. "You've said yourself that you haven't been intimate with anyone for a VERY long time."

Kathryn's eyes went wide and her mouth hung open as she sat there staring at the tricorder. "I don't understand".

"Might I suggest you go back in your logs, both personal and professional? The answer might lie there." Nodding absentmindedly she hopped down off the biobed. "I'm sorry for yelling at you Doctor. Computer de-activate EMH".

-----

Kathryn sat at her desk staring at her computer in complete and total disbelief. In front of her was a personal log made the day after Voyager had left Quarra. "This isn't right. I can't have another baby; Kimberley is already a handful as it is. No-one will believe me if I say that I don't believe in one night stands." Kathryn began pacing the floor of her ready room rubbing at her forehead trying to drive away the migraine that had decided to rear its ugly head.

"Answer me this Captain. Was this child conceived out of a love that you have for your mate?"

"You know as well as I do that I don't have a mate Tuvok. I care deeply for the father though, yes."

"Then perhaps this is a discussion that must be had between you and the father of the child you are bearing."

"Oh, Tuvok I wish it were that easy". Kathryn sighed heavily and sat beside her confidante. "I have no way of communicating a message to him, even if I wanted to. We're too far away".

"I should return to the Bridge" Tuvok stated. "You are welcome to join me later this evening during my mediation time, if you wish". Placing a hand on his arm she smiled slightly and nodded. "Thank you, old friend. Perhaps I will".

Tuvok stood up. Just before reaching the door he turned. "Would you like me to inform the Commander that you do not wish to be disturbed?"

"No that's fine. Dismissed". With a nod he turned back, left the ready room and took his position at Tactical.


	3. Chapter 3

**12 WEEKS LATER:**

Kathryn stepped into her quarters at 1800 hours completely exhausted. "Hey Peanut how was school today?" she called out. Taking off her boots she began rubbing her feet and wiggling her toes hoping the aching would go away soon. Looking up she frowned realizing she hadn't received an answer. "Kim?" she called out again. Janeway peeked into Kim's bedroom but found that empty as well. Tapping her comm badge she tried hailing her with no success either. "Computer locate Kimberley Janeway" The answer Kathryn received confused her even more. "Kimberley Phoebe Ellen this ISN'T FUNNY! ANSWER ME!" Kathryn yelled loudly. Entering her own bedroom, she found clothes tossed on the floor and her bed; a wet towel lying in a crumpled heap on her chaise and there, on top of the vanity was Kim's comm badge, next to Kathryn's makeup which had also been used. Snatching up the comm badge, Kathryn stormed over to the computer on her desk and smacked it hard to turn it on. Using the internal sensors she tracked down Kimberley. "Coffee black" she demanded. Wincing as she put her boots back on she grabbed her cup and headed down to the Observation Deck. Kathryn knew she had to calm herself down before going to see Kimberley for fear of losing her temper completely in front of the crew.

Half an hour later Janeway stepped into the mess hall and was greeted with a loud commotion coming from one corner of the room. She could hear a couple of distinct voices above the rest of the crowd. "Pin him down!" "Duck. Get him. Don't let him beat you!"

Standing at the edge of the crowd she pushed her way into the middle. "What in the HELL is going on?" Janeway bellowed. What she lacked in appearance and stature she made up for in command abilities. Most of the spectators scrambled away but a few brave souls remained where they were. "Break it up. Security to the mess hall. I said break it up!!" Kathryn grabbed an arm and pulled roughly. "Escort Lt. Parsons and Ensign Dalby to Sickbay and then their quarters where they have been confined to until their next duty shifts begin" she instructed the Security team that had arrived.

"Yes ma'am"

After the mess hall incident Kathryn waited in her ready room until the Doctor informed her that the patients were ready to leave. Tuvok had brought the initial incident report of what happened. "I believe this will suffice for you to determine what the appropriate punishment will be for this situation." After receiving a verbal report by the EMH she and Tuvok headed to Sickbay together. Albeit a silent trek she was happy he had escorted her there. Upon arrival she sent him back to his quarters since he had a duty shift in a few hours. With a polite nod he turned and left. Taking a couple deep breaths Kathryn put her Captain's mask in place, took her command stance and entered through the doors. Parsons was quick to snap to attention where as Dalby was a little slower.

"I have read Commander Tuvok's security report and I would like to add I am very disappointed in the reason for the argument to begin." Crossing her arms over her chest she glared first at Parsons then at Dalby. "Do either of you have anything you would like to say for yourself?"

"I was standing up for something I believe and I don't tolerate anyone putting down my way of life" Dalby angrily stated, staring down at Janeway disapprovingly.

"Noted. As a member of this crew you don't need to be reminded that I tolerate _this_, behavior lightly either." She held up the padd on the word "this" to drive her point home. Standing at attention she continued, "Ensign Kenneth Dalby, Lt. Barry Parsons, I sentence you to two days in the brig and five days serving meals in the mess hall, to begin upon your release from the Brig. While serving your first two days you will still perform your regular shift duties as expected. Dismissed."

"There you are. I heard about the fight in the mess hall and came to make sure you were okay". Chakotay had concern written all over his face. Massaging her temples she sighed and in a tired but irritated voice explained, "I've dealt with the worst of it. Now I need to find a certain 15 year old to help scrub Plasma Manifolds once she has cleaned up the mess that was made in my sleeping quarters". Chakotay watched as Kathryn swayed then fell to the ground unconscious.

"Kathryn! DOCTOR!!" Running out of the lab the EMH asked what happened. "We were talking and then she just passed out" Chakotay explained.

"Her blood pressure is dangerously high". Jumping up he loaded a hypo spray and injected it then took another scan of her body. "The baby doesn't seem to be affected at all" he said gladly.

"Wait, did you just say baby?" Chakotay raised his head in surprise. The Doctor looked at Chakotay equally surprised. "She never informed you?" Chakotay shook his head. "She never mentioned anything to me".

"Oh no" the Doctor moaned. He was certain the Captain would want to decompile his program for sure now.

-----

**CHAKOTAY'S P.O.V.**

She looked so content sitting on the window ledge of the Observation Deck; knees drawn up to her chest. As I got closer I knew she was anything but content. She seemed worlds away as she stared at the stars passing by. I softly call out her name as I approach. Not sure she heard me the first time I say her name again and place an arm around her shoulders. "Hi" she responds in a voice barely above a whisper. We stayed that way for a long time not saying a word. I finally can't take it anymore and I break the silence. "This isn't just about the fight is it?"

"What do you mean? What else would it be about?" Resting a hand on the bulge in Kathryn's uniform I ask her how long she's known.

"A while" she replies. Putting a hand over mine she looks up at me with questioning eyes. She knows that her question doesn't need to be vocalized. "Actually, the Doctor told me tonight. While you were unconscious he mentioned that your high blood pressure didn't affect your baby. Does the father know?" When I mentioned the father Kathryn leaned back against the bulkhead and closed her eyes as tears silently slid down her cheeks. "I can't" she whispers swallowing past the lump in her throat. "Kathryn…" I start to protest but she cuts me off quickly with a shake of her head. "Chakotay, it's not what you think. The baby is Jaffen's."

"Jaffen's?" I ask. The shock in my voice is unmistakable and she nods slowly. The sorrow in her eyes is breaking my heart. I would move Heaven and Earth for her if I could. My arm is still around her shoulder and I pull her to me. Like a lost frightened child she climbs down and wraps her arms around my waist. In the comfort of my embrace she buries her face in my chest and lets the tears flow freely. I tip my head down and kiss the top of hers. My hands move back and forth along her back reassuringly. A short time later she pulls back. "I'm sorry".

Taking her face in my hands I force her to look at me. "Don't be, you'll get through this just like last time – with me and Voyager's crew behind you."

"Thank you" she mouths, too choked up to speak aloud. Before I realize what's happening our lips meet and we're kissing – slowly at first but then the hunger intensifies and she opens her mouth to me. I trace small kisses along her jaw line and down her neck as she tips her head to give me access to her throat. A soft moan escapes her lips and she quickly pulls away; and out of my arms. Her back is towards me and one hand is caressing the spot where my lips had been a minute ago. When I reach out to her she steps further away clearly stating that what just happened was in error.

"Don't do this Kathryn, don't shut me out again".

"Chakotay, don't…please" she begged with a tremor in her voice

"I'm not doing anything; you're the one pulling away"

"It's late. I should be getting back" she responds, brushing past me

"At least let me walk you to your quarters". After a moment she nods her approval and allows me to take her hand.

-----

Kathryn woke the next morning feeling as though she had been dragged through the proverbial ringer. Rubbing at her tired eyes she shuffled over to the replicator and ordered her breakfast. Looking up at the sound of Kathryn's voice, Kimberley scrutinized "You look terrible, as if you haven't rested or slept in about 3 days".

"Morning Peanut" Janeway greeted while slowly easing herself into her chair. "You were in bed awfully early last night". With a shrug of her shoulders Kimberley stood up and went back to her room. "Kim" Janeway called and pointed to the empty dishes left on the table.

"What?" Kimberley asked pretending to not know what her mom wanted.

"Your dishes" was Kathryn's reply. Rolling her eyes Kimberley strolled over to the table, picked up her plate and banged it onto the replicator tray then disappeared into her room again.

"Come in" Janeway called out when the door chimed. "Good morning Naomi. Kim's in her room still".

"Thanks". Naomi had barely gone in when she started talking a mile a minute. "Why didn't you tell me the latest news? I thought I was your best friend."

"You are. What news are you talking about?" Kimberley asked as she finished putting on her makeup.

"The Captain being pregnant. You never told me you're gonna be a big sister. Oh no, you didn't know about this" Naomi suddenly realized after seeing the look on Kimberley's face. Tossing her eye shadow on the vanity table Kimberley stormed out of her bedroom. "Mama, I really want to talk to you about something."

"Seven of Nine to the Captain. I would like to speak with you before the morning briefing."

"I'm busy at the moment Seven. I'll be sure to speak to you as soon as the briefing is over. Janeway out." Turning to her daughter she asked, "What is it?" Naomi decided that maybe now would be a good time to study for an upcoming exam. "Bye Naomi". Kathryn waited for Kimberley to talk again.

"Naomi told me something and I want to confirm if it's true or not"

"What did she say?" Janeway asked, heading for the bathroom

"She said that…"

"Torres to Janeway"

"Go ahead Lieutenant." When Janeway ran on autopilot as she was now, she tended to revert to formally addressing her crew by rank. "I'm not going to be able to complete the recalibration of the sensor grid by 0900 hours this morning".

Placing one hand on the small of her back and rubbing the drilling thud in her brain with the other she closed her eyes and sighed. "How long?" she asked grimly, not sure she wanted to know the answer.

"I can't be certain. Depends on how badly Seven messed up the converters" B'Elanna answered doing her best to keep her voice calm.

"Very well, keep me posted, Janeway out". Kathryn looked upwards and shook her head. She heard a snicker behind her and turned to see Kim quickly cover her mouth. "I'm glad you find this amusing" she frowned as she placed her hands on her hips. This action caused her uniform to pull tighter and make her 'secret' hard to hide.

"Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway. The senior staff are wondering if there is a briefing this morning. As I mentioned earlier there's something I would like to discuss with you before the meeting starts".

"Yes Seven, I am aware you want to talk. Let the Commander know there will be a meeting this morning. I have something to deal with first". Kathryn closed the link and saw her daughter walk to the door. "Kimberley wait, you said you wanted to talk"

"Never mind. Bye!"

"KIMBERLEY!!"

"Chakotay to the Captain…"

"…I'm on my way!" she snapped, pausing long enough to get a new cup of coffee.

"Well, if there's no more business to discuss then I would like to say something on a personal note. Mr. Paris, I hope you plan on sharing the replicator rations with the rest of my Senior Staff."

"Captain?" he looked at her in confusion. With a smile she rested her hand on her stomach and confirmed, "Yes Mr. Paris I am officially pregnant".

"Oh Captain, that's wonderful news". Everyone gave their congratulations. Neelix also hugged her, causing Kathryn to blush.

------

Kimberley walked in and tossed her tennis racket on the chair then disappeared into her room. Ten minutes later Janeway stepped through the door and looked for Kim. Following the music she found her daughter lying on her bed looking through a fashion magazine. "Computer, block all communications to these quarters, level 9 security clearance only, authorization Janeway 371Alpha6".

"Communications blocked" the computer confirmed. "Delete music". Kim looked up angrily at Kathryn when the last command was ordered. "You stormed out of here so fast this morning I didn't get a chance to find out what it is you wanted to talk about…until now. You said Naomi Wildman said something to you that you wanted to confirm" Kathryn reminded her.

"Is it true you're pregnant?" Looking at her daughter Kathryn could have sworn she was looking in a mirror; there was no mistaking the anger in Kim's eyes. Nodding her head and smiling, she happily answered "yes". "WHY?" Kim demanded.

"I don't know what you mean"

"Why do you think it is a good idea to have another baby? You don't even have time to enjoy the one you already have!" Kimberley was shouting and crying, feeling hurt and angry.

"I'm doing the best I can here, I'm sorry you don't think that's good enough. What do you want from me?" Kathryn immediately got defensive.

"I want to be able to tell you how my day went; hear how your day went; spend time with you; see you for more than five minutes in a day! You never have time for me because it's always about business. Even your dinners with Daddy are working dinners."

"Oh baby, you don't know how many times I wished I was spending time with you instead of negotiating with some planetary dignitary. However, as Captain I have a responsibility to each and every person on this ship, as well as Starfleet, to keep them safe and get them home. I got us in this situation and I must get us out."

"What does getting a crew home have to do with spending time with your family? You don't know what it's like to watch other kids getting to play velocity or parisees squares with their mom or dad; or having a family "vacation" on a holodeck…"

"…And it's my responsibility to make sure you still have a holodeck to do those things on"

"I thought it was Aunt B'Ella's responsibility. Your job is to make sure she does it".

_**Meanwhile on the Bridge:**_

"Commander, sensors are picking up a vessel that seems to be damaged and possibly in need of repairs. It also looks as though they are carrying barrels of Magnesium Chlorosulfide."

"Hail the Captain, Mr. Kim. See what she says"

"Yes sir. Bridge to Captain Janeway"

"Communications to Captain Janeway have been set to a level 9 security clearance" the computer replied. Harry, Tom and Tuvok all looked at Chakotay who looked back to Tuvok. "Level 9?" Tom questioned. Tuvok just raised his eyebrow.

"Chakotay to the Captain". When she answered, he continued. "You have a Level 9 Communications security lock on you. Is everything alright?"

-----

"Yes Commander, I'm just dealing with a personal matter. What can I do for you?" After explaining it to her she ordered, "Bring us within detailed sensor range Mr. Paris and keep me informed. Janeway out".

Kimberley had gone into the main quarters to give her mother privacy. She was still upset but had calmed down a bit. Rather than pushing the issue further Kathryn let it stand. Kneeling on the floor in front of Kimberley she brushed the moisture from her cheeks. "I'll tell you what. We'll have dinner together tonight, I promise. Okay?" Nodding her head Kim continued to stare at her hands in silence. "Okay then. I'm going back to my ready room. I'll talk to you later, call me if you need anything". Standing back up Janeway kissed the top of Kim's head and left, turning off the security comm. code on her way out.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Kathryn is now 5.5 months pregnant**_

_Captain's Log Stardate 60613.2_

_The trade agreement with President Bora Bora is almost complete. I am hoping to be underway again soon._

"Captain, I'm sorry to disturb you but there is something that we need to discuss right away".

"What is it Chakotay?" 

"It's regarding the trade agreement with us and President Bora Bora. He's cancelled it".

Kathryn stopped suddenly. "What do you mean he cancelled it? I'm supposed to be signing the final trade agreement in half an hour.

"I can't tell you anymore than that Captain. I just received a written message from the President's secretary that he no longer requires the items we have offered and that he has decided to continue on his journey. Janeway pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. Taking a couple deep breaths she opened her eyes again and took off at a fast pace straight to the turbolift. Once aboard she directed it to the bridge.

"Report Mr. Kim"

"Captain, their ship is leaving"

"Hail them"

"No response" the Ops officer reported a moment later.

"Hail them again"

"Still no response. They're gone Captain". Turning around she stood beside the officer to see for herself. She tried one last time to hail them but to no avail. Walking over to Chakotay she stood beside him and said, "I'd like to look at the message you received."

"Certainly Captain, it's right here". Taking the letter she disappeared into her ready room followed closely by Chakotay. After awhile she asked Tuvok to join her. Handing him a padd she asked him if he was aware of it. Taking a quick look he denied ever seeing it. Chakotay watched Janeway watch Tuvok. He noticed she was cringing slightly as if in pain and she was massaging her side. Catching her eye he gave her a look that asked what was wrong. She gave him a smile and shook her head stating he shouldn't worry, that she was fine. When she got up and went to her bathroom he followed her. Holding up a bottle she turned to him and uttered one word: heartburn. As she passed by him on her way back out she touched his arm lightly and lifted a corner of her mouth in a smile.

"Any suggestions?" she asked Tuvok

"I anticipate you will want to question Ms. Henderson on this matter. I have no other suggestions of my own.

"Thank you Tuvok. Would you relay the message to meet me here please"?

"Yes Captain" Tuvok acknowledged as he left. Janeway turned around to find Chakotay almost directly behind her. "Is there something else?" she asked.

"It looked to me like more than just heartburn is bothering you. I'm concerned about you".

"Honest Chakotay, it's just heartburn. The baby is really active and keeping me up at night but at this specific moment, it's the heartburn that's really bothering me."

"Captain, Lieutenant Shandra Henderson has arrived on the bridge".

"Noted, send her in. Chakotay, I'll see you later tonight for dinner?" Nodding his head he left, bumping into Shandra on his way out.

-----

My heart started to beat faster the moment Shandra entered my ready room. No matter how much I tried convincing myself I had to do this, it was still tough. Anytime I have to discipline a member of my crew it hurts me. "You called for me Captain?" Her voice has a bit of a bored sound to it, almost as if I am keeping her form an important task. I find my disappointment quickly turning to annoyance.

"What happened with Azam?" I ask pointedly.

"He talked"

"_Why_ did he talk?"

"The assigned security team was better equipped…"

"Better equipped with what…electrodes? Tazers?" It has been quite awhile since I have allowed a crewmember's attitude to disturb me as quickly as Lieutenant Henderson's does today. I can only chalk it up to my fluctuating hormones. The silence from my questions confirms that something happened during the briefing and I won't like the answer. "Is he alive?" I know I sound accusatory but at this particular moment I don't care, I'm too upset with Shandra's demeanor.

"Yes, other than that I don't care or give a damn"

"I DO!" I shot back automatically. I am somewhat surprised that Ms. Henderson is standing up to me this way. Usually only members of my Senior Staff have the nerve to be this bold. "I said there was to be NO torture".

"You said no such thing. You said you didn't want to hear about torture. Starfleet Captains don't speak in metaphors. 'I don't want to hear' means 'I don't want to hear'. If I thought there was another way…"

"There's always another way. I'm not prepared to _ever_ accept torture"

"Then perhaps you're not prepared to be a Starfleet Captain in the Delta Quadrant." I did _not_ just hear her say that. It feels as if I have been kicked in the stomach. Correction I was just kicked in the stomach – from the inside. Shaking it off I walk towards her never breaking eye contact with her. I am no longer annoyed or irritated; I'm now down right ticked off. Going to the upper level I leaned heavily on the railing so I could take the weight off my feet.

"Do you really think that what happened was right?" I ask her in a low even voice.

"I'm not going to have much trouble sleeping tonight if that's what you mean."

"Why not do it right here in my ready room? Just strap him to my desk because that's what you did. Your actions cost us a very valuable trade agreement." I was having trouble controlling the volume of my voice and it starts to rise in anger.

"Principles mean little when we're the only ones playing by the rules."

"The rules are there to protect others; they're there to protect us. Other nations follow us and if we start torturing people, there is nothing to prevent them from doing the same thing to our people." Walking back down to face her, I pause to let what I just said sink in for a moment. "Lieutenant Henderson you are relieved of your duties and confined to quarters until further notice. And this time I'm not speaking in metaphors". Before I could get a chance to dismiss her, she left.


	5. Chapter 5

**TWO MONTHS LATER (they are at a party thrown by the Ambassador of the planet they were currently trading with).**

"Mind if I join you?" Chakotay asked as he sidled up beside Kathryn and handed her a glass.

"Not at all" she said quietly taking the glass.

"Why are you out here? Crowd getting to you?"

Janeway slowly shook her head and took a sip. "Just too warm inside, I needed some fresh air".

"Is it helping?" Kathryn didn't say anything, just nodded. "You're being awfully quiet. What is whirling through your ever busy mind?"

Kathryn chuckled and smiled wide, turning around to watch the crowd inside. "To tell the truth, I'm just relaxing and enjoying myself. So, who asked you to check on me?"

"Guilty as charged. At least one of us better get back inside before rumors start flying again about what we're doing out here."

"Again?" she asks curiously.

"I'm going to get another drink. I'll see you inside." Chakotay attempted to make a hasty get away but wasn't fast enough.

"Nice try Commander" Kathryn said grabbing his arm and pulling him back to her. "What were we supposedly doing out here the first time?"

"I don't know exactly but nothing really surprises me now. Shall we?" Taking his arm she let him escort her back to their table. When a song began 20 minutes later Kathryn stood and asked Harry to dance. He looked up a little startled, then around the room looking to see if anyone would be watching. "Just one dance, that's all". He looked up at her voice to see her friendly smile and outstretched hand.

"Okay, one dance" he replied with a nervous smile of his own. Once on the floor he hesitated not sure if he should make the first move or wait for her. "Harry relax, it's not like we haven't danced before" she said in an amused tone.

"I know but, well, I – I didn't think you would find it appropriate at a gathering such as this." Kathryn stopped dancing and looked at the Ensign.

"Why wouldn't I find it appropriate? Is it because it's a diplomatic celebration involving a new alien culture and not just your friends and co-workers?"

"Actually Captain that's exactly the reason. I know you feel that you have a responsibility to Starfleet to be their representative out here in the Delta Quadrant. Therefore you shouldn't be seen socializing for long periods of time with the lower ranking members of your crew – especially dancing."

"Well you're a Senior Officer and I go with what I'm comfortable doing Harry" Janeway proudly said as they began moving to the music again. When the song was over, Harry returned to the table and Kathryn took turns dancing with Tom, Chakotay, Lieutenant Ayala and Ambassador Junas. When another slow song came on Harry asked Kathryn to dance again. This time he didn't hesitate taking her in his arms. "Should I dare ask what you find so amusing Mr. Kim?"

"I'm sorry Captain. I'm trying to get used to the feeling of dancing with you being pregnant. Even if we try to keep a respectable distance…"

"…there is no distance" Kathryn said understandingly then laughed at the expression on Harry's face when the baby shifted position and threw a couple punches.

-----

As Kathryn stepped through the doors of her quarters she felt her legs go weak. Chakotay caught her and helped her over to the couch. "Do you feel okay?" he asked with concern.

"I'm a little dizzy. I probably just need a good night's sleep." Kicking off her boots she curled p on the couch as best as she could and closed her eyes, suddenly feeling extremely tired and sore. By the time Chakotay had come back to check on her a half hour later she was sound asleep. Grabbing a blanket from the bed he draped it over her and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight Kathryn, sweet dreams" he whispered quietly.

**The next morning:**

Kathryn could hear a voice calling her name but it was faint, as if they were calling from a distance. Slowly she opened her eyes and found herself staring at the spots and whiskers of Neelix's cheek. Letting out a yelp and scrambling to sit up she called out an intruder alert. "Captain it's me, Neelix". The Doctor was beside her with his medical tricorder scanning her. Waving her hand, she knocked it out of his had and stood up pulling the blanket closer around her and glaring at the two of them and the Security officers that had come through the doorway. Running her free hand through her hair she growled, "What the hell are you doing in my quarters? How the hell did you get in here?"

"I entered the emergency medical clearance code into the panel when you didn't answer the door" the EMH explained. "We tried hailing you but you didn't respond and when we contacted the Commander he mentioned you were feeling dizzy last night so he sent us to check on you".

"As you can see I'm perfectly fine. You're all dismissed."

"Captain I expect to see you in Sickbay for your monthly prenatal exam today" the Doctor reminded her. "GET OUT!!" she demanded more forcefully. The security guards had already left and Neelix was almost at the doorway. Janeway very seldom lost her temper in front of other crewmembers and he knew when she did slip like this, she meant business.

"Commander could you please join me in my ready room?" Kathryn said upon stepping foot on the Bridge. With a nod Chakotay turned the Bridge over to Tuvok and followed Kathryn.

"Chakotay, why did you tell the doctor and Neelix to check on me?"

Sitting in the chair in front of the desk he worked out in his mind how he would answer this loaded question. "Chakotay?" she asked impatiently. "Okay here's what happened. The Doctor appeared on the command center control panel and said that you weren't answering his hail; I told him that you mentioned feeling dizzy at bedtime but you just thought you needed rest. I told him you were probably still sleeping because it's your day off today. Then the link was closed. Why, what happened?"

"I woke up to find Neelix two inches from my face and the Doctor scanning me with a tricorder. Two security guards were also just outside the door. Needless to say I was very surprised."

"I would think so. I'll have a talk with Neelix. Since we're on the subject, how are you feeling today? Still Dizzy?" Kathryn shook her head and rubbed the small of her back. "I best be getting back to the Bridge" Chakotay said. Just before he disappeared through the door he added, "Have a good day off". Returning his smile she nodded and thanked him.

-----

"Good afternoon Captain, I assume you're here for your prenatal exam?"

"You assume correctly doctor"

"Everything seems okay" he said a couple minutes later. "I did notice that the baby did grow an extra 20 cm in length and gained two more pounds."

"It's not normal for a baby to grow that fast is it? Should I be worried?"

"It isn't normal, but I don't see a reason to worry. You're still 9 weeks away from your due date. Do you have any other questions or concerns?"

"No, none that I can think of" she said after a moment. "Okay, I want to see you again in 3 weeks". The EMH helped her off the biobed. I have set up a time for your birthing class because you missed last week's class. I have already cleared it with Commander Chakotay so I'll see you at 18:30 tonight." With a sigh Janeway nodded and answered, "alright, 18:30 in my quarters." With an approving smile he disappeared into his office to log his reports.

* * *

_More to come soon..._


	6. Chapter 6

"There's only two weeks until Christmas and I still don't have anything for mom" Kimberley complained as she carried her tray to the table.

"What about a nice dress or some other outfit?" Janice suggested

"No point" Kim said shaking her head. "She wouldn't be able to wear it until after the baby is born. I don't dare try and make it to fit her now because she has to replicate a new jacket every couple weeks".

"Well you'll come up with something" Naomi reassured. "Speaking of Christmas have you talked to the Captain yet about having a party?"

"I was planning on doing it tonight at dinner. She's usually a lot more agreeable to things when she's eating…but don't tell her I said that, she'd kill me for sure".

"Trust me; I'd never say something like that. Dad says that her moods can change faster than the weather at Starfleet Headquarters". Michael Torres pitched in. Everyone laughed at that and finished eating their lunch, then went back to their classes for the day.

-----

When Kimberley got home from school that day she immediately went to her room and stayed there until dinner. After setting the table Janeway went to check on her daughter and found Kim sound asleep with her books open around her. "Kimberley…Kim…hey Peanut, dinner's ready". Kathryn gently shook Kim trying to wake her up.

At the table Kimberley just picked at her dinner and pushed it around her plate. "Honey what's up? You haven't touched your peas?"

"I'm not hungry, but there is something I want to talk to you about. Me and Naomi want to have a Christmas Eve sleepover party for the kids, like you said you had when you were growing up. We wrote up a proposal and everything. Please say yes."

"It's Naomi and I. Well, I'll have to think about it. Give me your proposal and I'll bring it up at the staff meeting tomorrow."

"Thanks mom. May I be excused?" Kathryn noticed Kim had paled a bit. "Yes, take your plate back to the recycler. Come here sweetie". Kathryn felt Kim's forehead, "Well, you're a little warm but nothing to be concerned about. Do you feel nauseous at all?" Kim shook her head. "No, just not hungry".

-----

**3 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS: **

Kathryn looked over at the bedside clock for what seemed like the thousandth time. She had been tossing and turning and drifting in and out of a slumber for the past 3.5 hours. She could hear rustling around in the living room and wondered why Kim was up at that hour still. Needing to use the facilities anyway, Kathryn crawled out of bed and lumbered into the washroom. After climbing back in bed she started to drift off when she sensed a presence beside her. "My stomach hurts" came a voice from the side of the bed.

"Where does it hurt?" Kathryn asked sleepily. After Kim had showed her Kathryn lifted the covers and told her to climb in. "There's nothing I can do right now – it's 04:30. If it still hurts later on we'll take you to see the Doctor… come here, snuggle in next to me." Laying a hand on the baby and using her mom as a pillow Kimberly said, "I love you".

"I love you too Peanut. Close your eyes and relax."

The following day, Kathryn took Kimberley to sickbay to get her checked out. The Doctor ran every conceivable test and his only conclusion was that she had an allergic reaction to something.

Tom and Harry had created a program complete with snow and a large wooden ski lodge with extra rooms to sleep in for the children's Christmas sleepover in Holodeck 2 and a giant dance hall furnished with coloured lights and a Christmas tree in one corner of the room on Holodeck 1 for the rest of the crew to enjoy their own party. Taking the microphone in his hand, Neelix asked for everyone's attention then continued. "Captain, we wanted to give you our Christmas present before it got really late and you retire for the night." The lights dimmed and the dance floor was cleared of people. "An anonymous member of the crew found this poem and decided to turn it into a song."

Kathryn looked to Chakotay in confusion but he just shrugged his shoulders. As the music began to play he pulled her onto the dance floor and smiled wide. "What the heck?" she whispered. Kathryn returned Chakotay's smile with one of her own and followed him onto the empty floor. She was so caught up in the moment and the music she forgot all about her backache.

"When you forget how beautiful you are  
I'll be there to remind you.   
When you can't find your way,  
I'll find my way to you…

…I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.  
Be your shelter.  
When you need someone to see you through.  
I'll be there to carry you.  
I'll be there.  
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.  
The one that will hold on to you…"

Kathryn and Chakotay weren't alone on the dance floor anymore. Pulling him tighter to her she laid her head on his chest and closed eyes.

"…And when you're there with no one there to hold.  
I'll be the arms that reach for you.  
And when you feel your faith is running low.   
I'll be there to believe in you.  
When all you find are lies.   
I'll be the truth you need.  
When you need someone to run to.   
You can run to me…

Kathryn realized they were just standing still. Lifting her head she looked deep into his eyes as if she was being pulled into his gaze. He was singing to her and the words hit her like a ton of bricks. She choked back a sob as her tears spilled over and slowly trickled down her cheek.

"…I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.  
Be your shelter.  
When you need someone to see you through.  
I'll be there to carry you.  
I'll be there.  
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.  
The one that will hold on to you.  
When you feel that rain falling down.  
When there's nobody else around.  
I'll be."

Leaning down Chakotay took a chance and kissed Kathryn full on the lips for everyone to see. Pulling away Kathryn was rooted in place unable to move. Chakotay searched her face trying to read her emotions. The pain in her eyes felt like a knife driving straight into his heart. Kathryn felt like she couldn't breathe and had to get out of there. Walking through the doors of the log cabin she knew he was right behind her. "I can't believe you did that. Have you completely lost your mind?" she demanded.

"Apparently I have because for a moment there I was sure I felt you respond with a kiss of your own" he defended.

"I'm going to bed, I'll see you in the morning Commander" Kathryn said before stalking to one of the bedrooms. Hearing the door open behind him, Chakotay saw Tom, B'Elanna and Harry enter the room. A couple of hours later he bid them goodnight and went to check on Janeway. He found her pacing the bedroom with her hands on her back and a pained look on her face. Calling her name softly he walked in and closed the door behind them for privacy. "What do you want?" she asked, her voice no longer laced with venom but still angry.

"I've been thinking"

"About what?"

"Us" he said bluntly. "Your feelings for me that you refuse to admit that you have.

"I beg your pardon?" she asked walking over to him.

"You heard me. Look Kathryn, I don't want to fight about this."

"Why did you do that? In front of everyone?"

"Because I wanted to show you how much you mean to me. You hold a special place in my heart Kathryn". At certain times she found it hard to stay angry at Chakotay. This was one of those times. Taking his hand in both of hers she lifted it up and placed it over her heart. She gazed upward catching his eye. "You hold a special place in my heart too, but I can't let myself get close to anyone, especially you. Please try to understand."

"I try but I can't. You haven't given me a damn good reason why you won't give into your heart".

"It's not that I won't, it's that I _can't_."

"Why? Why can't you let yourself fall in love and be happy?"

"BECAUSE…" she cried out in anguish, "every time I let my guard down and start to love someone, I end up alone in the end."

"Kathryn I'd never hurt you"

"You can't promise that Chakotay."

"Who have you hurt by falling in love with them?" Kathryn tried to pull away but Chakotay grabbed her arms and held her in place. "Everyone! I killed Justin on Tau Ceti Prime; I stranded us in the Delta Quadrant, forcing Mark to give me up for dead and move on with his life; Kashyk could never learn to trust telepaths; Michael Sullivan wasn't real; Jaffen was happy staying on Quarra and the Kathryn Janeway he fell in love with isn't the real me". She managed to pull herself out of his grasp and stood at the window running her hands over her swollen middle. "Here I am alone again. I can't handle the pain of losing anyone else. My heart couldn't take it." Her voice was thick with emotion. Suddenly she moaned out loud and reached for her back again. Chakotay came up behind her and massaged it with her. "It's late Chakotay and we have a big day tomorrow, you better get to bed".

"Lie down in bed and I'll rub your back. It'll help you fall asleep". Too tired and sore to argue she did as he said. After a while his hands grew sore and he curled up behind Kathryn and drifted off to sleep. She sighed and snuggled in closer to him feeling content and safe in his loving and strong embrace.


	7. Chapter 7

"Red Alert, Captain to the Bridge!" Chakotay called out.

"Report!" she ordered stepping out of the turbolift a moment later.

"We have detected a special anomaly 200 thousand kilometers ahead. It almost has the properties to be a wormhole."

"Wormhole?" she asked in shock. "Mr. Paris set a course, warp 3." Kathryn took a seat and studied the screen of the command console on her left. Twenty minutes later they were in visual range. "Onscreen"

"That's not like any wormhole I've ever seen before" Harry piped up from Ops. His console started beeping and new data ran across his screen. "Captain the anomaly is moving directly towards us".

"Shields up, evasive patterns Mr. Paris".

"Aye Captain"

"It's changed direction again, it's following us!"

"I can't outrun it. Evasive pattern Beta 6 Gamma…it's no use. Interception in 10 seconds…5 seconds…"

"Brace for impact!" The lights on the Bridge went out, sparks flew as consoles blew out, and people were tossed around like toys. One minute later, it was over. Janeway looked around and surveyed the damage. "Hull damage on decks 9, 11, 14, and 6. Repair crews are on their way. EPS conduits blown on every deck; minor injuries reported; no fatalities; warp core is offline but we do have thrusters" Tuvok reported immediately.

"Ensign Kim, do we have visual?" Janeway turned to find Harry holding his right arm protectively. "Ensign, report to sickbay and have the doctor look after that" she said as she walked up to his console, punched some buttons and got the viewscreen operating again.

"I'll be okay Captain, you should have the doctor check you over though, make sure the baby is okay". Before they could discuss the matter further, Tuvok announced that they were being hailed on a Federation signal. "On screen". Kathryn thought it was a joke when she saw the face on the viewscreen in front of her. "This is Captain Jean-Luc…"

"…Picard of the Starship Enterprise D" Kathryn finished.

"Captain Janeway? Ensign hail Starfleet. Let them know we're escorting Voyager back to DS 9".

-----

Kathryn opened her eyes and realized it had been a dream. "Computer state our position"

"USS Voyager is in the Delta Quadrant on a heading of 312 mark 6 traveling at a speed of warp 3.6"

"Computer what time is it?"

"The time is 06:12"

"Good morning Kathryn, sleep well?"

"Not really, did you?"

"Never better." They laid in silence for another minute before Kimberley and Naomi walked in the room.

"Merry Christmas mama…daddy"

"Merry Christmas Captain…uh Commander"

"Merry Christmas girls" they answered in unison. Seeing them in the same bed together didn't phase Kimberley a whole lot but she noticed that Naomi wasn't sure what to make of the situation...

"Are you getting up or are you going to sleep the day away?" Kim asked teasingly. "We'll be out in a minute once we've changed". Kim nodded her head once and turned to leave.

"Okay that was awkward" Naomi said once they were out of hearing range.

"What do you mean?"

"Seeing the Captain and Commander together – in the _same bed_."

"I've told you about it happening before, that's why I let you come in with me"

"Ya but to actually see it with my own eyes…I don't know. I just felt a tad uncomfortable".

Everyone was gathered around a beautifully trimmed tree surrounded by gifts and wrapping paper. They were admiring each others presents and B'Elanna and Kathryn were talking when Naomi and Kimberley entered carrying a large gift. "Captain there's one more gift for you to open" Naomi announced.

"There is? Where?" she looked around eagerly but couldn't find one.

"Right here. This one is from Naomi and me". Inside was a handmade patchwork quilt. "Oh girls, this is absolutely beautiful, thank you".

"Look closer at the pieces. We talked to all the parents and kids on board and everyone gave us a square from the baby blanket that you sewed for them when they were born and we put them all together to make this one for you".

Kathryn was speechless. Wiping her eyes she placed a trembling hand on each of their faces and kissed their cheek. "Thank-you, all of you". She ran her still trembling fingers over each square, remembering the love and time she had put into each of those blankets. All the squares had the child's name and their birth date on it. The middle square was left blank for the new baby. "Look everyone, it's snowing! Captain can we replicate snowsuits and go play outside?" Janeway nodded her head in approval and smiled wide.

-----

Kathryn watched as the children built snowmen and forts, went sledding, started a snowball fight and had a great time in general. Of course Tom was right in the middle of the fight, along with Harry and some other members of the crew. "Chakotay, take a walk with me?" she asked turning to the man standing beside her. Reaching over Chakotay took her hand and was relieved when she didn't pull away. They walked along in silence for awhile, each lost in their own thoughts.

"You're awfully quiet. What did you want to talk about?"

"I've been thinking about last night." Kathryn stopped and turned to face her First Officer, "I'm sorry for the way I acted. I don't know what came over me"

"I know what happened – you got scared." Kathryn looked up at him in confusion. "When I kissed you, something stirred inside and you enjoyed it. That feeling of enjoyment scared you so you did what you do best…put up a wall and hide behind it."

"You're mistaken" Kathryn turned her back on Chakotay and began walking away.

"No I'm not Kathryn, but if you want to keep denying it that's up to you. I'll quit trying to stop you. There's one thing, however, that I won't stop doing". Chakotay pursued her and when he caught up to her he grabbed her arm and turned her around. He saw her eyes had turned almost a slate-gray colour and she had hardness to her look. "And what's that?" she asked coldly.

"I won't stop looking out for you. As long as you have love in your heart, you're not alone". He watched her face and saw the different emotions wash across it as she struggled to keep her composure. Placing a hand on his chest for reassurance she removed herself from his embrace and walked back the way they had come… in silence.

------

Kathryn Janeway sat in her ready room feeling numb and blindly staring at the words on the screen of the data padd in her hand. Lifting the coffee cup to her lips she frowned as she discovered it was empty. In the back of her mind she always knew this was a possibility, but to actually read that it had really happened, that was hard. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you mama" she softly whispered to the passing stars outside her windows. She was so deep in thought that she jumped and bumped her leg against the coffee table when her door chime rang. "Damn it, come in!" she called out sharply as she rubbed her shin.

"Captain you are needed"

Standing up she asked, "Why didn't you just call me over the comm system Commander?"

"We did, you didn't respond Captain". Giving Chakotay a disapproving look she nodded his dismissal and followed him onto the bridge.

Kimberley stormed into her quarters and threw her bag towards the nearest chair but missed and hit the bulkhead instead. "Do you want to tell me what's going on or do I contact Lieutenant Jackson?" Chakotay asked hot on her heels. Kimberley silently walked past him to the replicator then sat down on the sofa and grabbed a padd that was lying on the coffee table. "So now you're not talking to me? I asked you a question and I expect an answer Crewman. What was going on in the Observation Lounge?"

"Why should I have to explain anything to you? You completely embarrassed me earlier and it's between me and Lieutenant Jackson what we were doing Commander." The sarcasm in her voice when she used his title wasn't missed.

Hearing a noise they turned to find Kathryn standing in the doorway with a questioning look, "Commander will you excuse us please" Janeway asked quietly.

"I'll be on the Bridge if you need me. Crewman, Captain"

Kathryn held up her hand to silence Kimberley who had begun to defend herself. "There's something I need to tell you." Leaning up against her desk she proceeded to tell Kimberley about the letter from Phoebe. Although Kimberley didn't really know her Grandmother at all she took the news hard anyway. Jumping up she clung to her mother as sobs wracked her body hard. Wrapping her own arms around Kimberley she rocked back and forth as silent tears slipped down her own cheeks. When a sufficient amount of time had passed, Kathryn pulled away and wiped her eyes. "Now, let's talk about the conversation between you and Commander Chakotay that I happened to walk in on" Kathryn said as she pointed to the kitchen table indicating that they sit. Easing herself down into a chair with a grunt she continued, "What did you mean by 'between me and Lieutenant Jackson what we were doing'?"

"It's nothing sexual if that's where you're going with it" Kim started defensively. "It's a surprise for someone and I needed his help. While we were working together today he hit his head pretty hard when he tripped on something. I was checking for signs of a concussion when Daddy walked in saw us together and immediately started raising his voice at us before I got a chance to explain what happened. He was being totally unreasonable and it was really embarrassing so I left, then he got mad at that and followed after me."

"Sounds to me like the Commander was just doing his job. He walked in and found an officer and a crewman in a compromising position. I would have done the same thing. What's your excuse for dismissing and disrespecting Chakotay's authority?"

"I didn't"

"When an officer asks you a question you answer them with due respect, **especially** if they are a Commanding Officer. It's no different than dealing with me". Kathryn gasped then waved away Kim's look of concern, "the baby shifted position. I expect you to apologize to Commander Chakotay for your attitude by tonight."

"Only if he apologizes to me and Lieutenant Jackson for treating us the way he did". Kimberley was shocked that she was the only one in trouble. At the tone of her voice Kathryn immediately went into her "Captain" mode. Standing tall she gave Kim "the look". "You _will _apologize to the Commander by this evening, that's an order!" Kimberley stood and matched the Captain's glare with the traditional "Janeway glare", before finally giving in with a resounding "FINE!"

"Your bag belongs in your bedroom, not on the floor against the bulkhead it bounced off. Dinner will be in the mess hall at 18:30 hours, I'll see you then." Giving a nod Kathryn watched Kim pick up her back and storm off into her room. Taking a deep breath to calm herself down Kathryn then headed out the door.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency"

"Doctor, did Lieutenant Jackson come in to be treated earlier this afternoon?"

"Yes Captain he did. I was going to give you my report later tonight but I can give you a summary version now"

"No, that's all right Doctor. I just needed to know if you treated him today. Thank you"

------

After Kimberley had finished her dinner she made her way up to the Bridge to apologize. "Sir, I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier. Even though I'm mad at you it was inappropriate".

"Apology accepted Crewman Janeway, you're dismissed. Oh Kimberley, has the Captain had dinner already?"

"She wasn't feeling well so probably not". Kimberley left to go in search of Naomi, while Chakotay turned the Bridge over to another officer and went off in search of his Captain.


	8. Chapter 8

Kimberley noticed that Joan was barely listening and was very quiet; not contributing any ideas to the conversation; which was very unlike her. Kim tried catching Joan's eye but to no avail. "OW" she cried out as she felt someone's boot connect with her shin.

"Where's your research info?" Michael asked.

"Right here and next time you kick me, I'll kick you right back just as hard" she threatened angrily.

"Speaking of research info, word going round the ship is that Lieutenant Jackson ended up getting temporarily relieved of duty for getting caught in a compromising position with another member of the crew."

"I heard he was confined to quarters"

"That's the same thing dummy"

"No it isn't. Relieved of duty means you can't work but you're allowed to still use the recreation facilities, and confined to quarters means that you only leave to go to report for duty or get food in the mess hall, but if you do that then you have to take your meal right back to your quarters. It's the same as if you're grounded." Naomi explained while looking over the report she was writing.

-----

Chakotay had spent the last 3 hours going over the sensor readings collected from the moon they orbited. "I would like to start mining operations as soon as possible. I was thinking maybe if we had two teams go down Neelix could join one team once he finished with you and the ambassador. For the other team I was thinking maybe Ensign Ludwerg could lead it, he is quite competent when it comes to knowledge of…" Chakotay stopped mid-sentence and looked up. He smiled to himself when he saw the Captain curled up on the couch of her ready room, snoring softly. "If I was boring you, why didn't you say something?" he softly whispered. Hearing the door chime ring, he asked the computer to identify who was on the other side. "Come in Miss Janeway".

She was startled to hear Chakotay answer the door. "Where's the Captain?" she asked, then nodded when she looked in the direction he pointed. They continued to speak in hushed tones so as not to wake Kathryn. "Is it true that Lieutenant Jackson has been confined to quarters?"

"Not that I'm aware of. The Captain gave the final discipline report. Why?"

"I was curious". Chakotay didn't believe this was the only reason and his look said so. "Okay, people are saying that he's confined to quarters for getting caught with another crewmember. Others are saying that he's been relieved of duty".

Kathryn heard voices filtering through into her dreams and slowly realized they were that of her First Officer and her daughter. Blinking a couple times she rubbed a hand across her eyes trying to focus on where she was and clear the fuzz in her mind. She instantly sat up with a worried look on her face, "Commander how long was I asleep?"

"About half and hour. Don't worry no-one has been around other than Kimberley."

"Bridge to Captain Janeway, the ambassador said he is ready to meet with you as soon as you would like"

Heaving a sigh and frowning at Chakotay Kathryn closed the link and stretched. "Is there something you need Kimberley?" Kim repeated her question about Lieutenant Jackson and patiently waited for an answer.

"That matter doesn't concern you. I'll see you both at dinner tonight…dismissed".

------

_Captain's Log Stardate _

_Mining operations on Solaris Planetia IX were successful and the natives were generous enough to help us with repairs as well as re-stocking foodstuffs and other mechanical parts._

Ending her log Kathryn sat back in her chair, closed her eyes and sighed heavily as she felt a stirring from inside. "Finally getting too cramped in there to move around easily? Please feel free to come check the ship out from my vantage point" she quietly said with a smile as she massaged her ribcage. Noticing the time she went to check on her daughter. "Rise and shine Peanut" she called out, walking in to find an empty bed. Retracing her steps Kathryn called out again only to be answered by silence. "Computer locate Kimberley Janeway".

"Kimberley Janeway is in her quarters."

"I already checked my quarters" she told the computer grumpily. Faintly she heard the activation of a comm. badge and Naomi's voice floating through the air. Following the noise she tracked it to Kim's bedside table.

_**Kimberley's P.O.V**_

_I can't believe it's come down to this -- thrown in the Brig overnight just because I wasn't wearing my comm. badge and when I get out I'm grounded for two weeks…**two weeks**. I can't see how any of this is fair._

"IT'S NOT FAIR!!!" Kimberley screamed throwing the padd against the bulkhead in a fit of anger causing her visitors to jump.

"It never is…Naomi, Icheb would you please excuse us" Kathryn walked up to the force field separating her and the prisoner. Shaking her head slightly she reached over and deactivated it then stepped aside. "One day your temper is going to get you in a lot of trouble Miss Janeway." When Kimberley didn't say anything Kathryn continued, "You're free to go. You are, however, still confined to quarters for two weeks".

------

_**Three weeks after Kim's brig incident:**_

Naomi, Michael and Kimberley dashed down the corridor on Deck 3 then disappeared into the Captain's quarters. "We have to hurry" Kim said with a mixture of panic and excitement. "Michael Torres to Icheb, coast is clear".

"Acknowledged" Icheb answered. Ten minutes later he and Lieutenant Jackson arrived.

"Took you long enough" Naomi commented when they arrived.

"We had to take a small detour to avoid a confrontation with Commander Chakotay" Icheb explained. Without any more hesitations everyone got busy with completing their surprise task. A short time later they heard the door chime ring. Naomi, Icheb, Michael and Kimberley looked to each other, "Computer identify who is outside Captain's quarters" Kimberley queried.

"Commander Chakotay"

"Shit" she swore softly. "You guys stay here and don't make a sound." She let him in and was talking when Lieutenant Jackson emerged from the washroom. Seeing his C.O. he stopped dead in his tracks. "Intruder alert! Security team to the Captain's Quarters" Chakotay barked upon seeing Lieutenant Jackson.

"No wait, Sir it's not what you think" Kim and Jackson said simultaneously.

"Lieutenant you have exactly 10 seconds to explain why you are in the Captain's Quarters alone with her 15 year old daughter" Chakotay demanded in an eerily calm voice, the anger visible in his eyes.

"It's easier to show you Sir" Kimberley explained disappointedly. Taking his hand she led Chakotay to the room where the other three were waiting. "It's a surprise for the Captain, please don't tell her" Naomi pleaded.

Chakotay tapped his comm. badge and ordered, "Stand down red alert. Security team cancelled and dismissed"

"_This_ is why I was spending so much time w/ the Lieutenant, so I could get his input and ideas" Kimberley explained weakly, still unsure of how much trouble she was in if any.

When Kathryn stepped into her quarters after work that day she immediately sensed something was going on. "You can't come in yet."

"Kimberley what's going on?"

"Nothing, just close your eyes". Kim took her mom's hand and guided her in, "okay open them." Kathryn gasped and looked around in complete awe. She slowly walked in and lightly fingered the handmade antique crib. "It's beautiful. Where in the world did you get it?" she asked as she fought to control her voice.

"You really like it? Lieutenant Jackson made it. Naomi, Michael, and Icheb helped me decorate the room". With her eyes shining with unshed tears, Kathryn embraced Kim and kissed her on the top of her head, "I love it thank you". Reaching in she picked up the patchwork quilt that Kim gave to her at Christmas and stood there with the tears streaming down her face, no longer able to hold them back.


	9. Chapter 9

"Captain would you **please** sit still so I can finish examining you" the Doctor sighed in exasperation as he ran his tricorder over Kathryn's stomach.

"It gets too uncomfortable sitting" she grumbled, shifting positions again.

"Fine then stand, I don't care. Either way just stay still…everything seems to be in order. The baby has dropped into position so the only thing we can do now is wait. With these constant false alarms it won't be long now." He told her while closing the tricorder. "If you have no questions then you're free to go"

"I can't wait until this is over with"

"You and me both" he whispered under his breath.

"Computer deactivate EMH" she ordered while looked at him with a disapproving frown.

Chakotay opened the doors to his quarters to find the Captain standing on the other side. "Kathryn"

"Hi Chakotay, I'm not disturbing you am I?"

"Not at all, come in. Are you feeling better?"

"False alarm" she said patting her stomach and shrugging her shoulders. Chakotay helped her over to the couch then replicated a couple cups of tea. "Here you go, a little something to help you to relax" he said handing her a cup.

"Thank you, should we get started on the evaluations and get them over with first?"

"If that's what you want." He picked up a blank padd and activated it. "The crew of USS Voyager is exemplary. They have worked their best and continue to prove even more exceptional with each passing day." Setting down the padd he smiled and added "there, evaluations are done."

Janeway chuckled and swatted at his arm. "Captain's note: the First Officer, however, tries to get out of doing the paperwork part by taking shortcuts to make the time go by faster."

"You can't blame a C.O. for trying." Kathryn found herself staring at his dimples and her mind began going places it really shouldn't be going. She pictured herself leaning over, running her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck, the other hand tracing a path from his tattoo down to his full lips then leaning in and tasting his lips for herself. Suddenly a sharp pain caught her breath and brought her back to the present. "Ooh, let's start before I change my mind." They got ¾ of the way through the reports before Kathryn called it a night and returned to her quarters.

"Mama, can I ask you a question?"

"Kimberley, it's 00:21 hours. What are you still doing up?"

"Actually I just got up to go to the washroom but I want to ask you something before I forget." Nodding her head Kathryn told her daughter to talk while she changed. "How did you know when Mark liked you?"

"How did I know? You're asking me this at 00:30 hours?" Kimberley climbed into bed beside her mom and continued to wait for an answer. "Well, I guess it was the way he would look at me and the way he would conveniently appear where I was and then he asked me out for coffee a few times. One night we were walking along the Bay in the moonlight when he pulled me close and kissed me." She explained realizing Kim wouldn't wait until morning.

------

**NOTE: Kathryn is now 1.5 weeks overdue**

The morning of Lieutenant Commander J.G. Steven Parker and Lieutenant Virginia Syoto's wedding (they had come to the Captain a week ago asking her to marry them) Kathryn woke up sick to her stomach. Replicating a glass of ginger ale she sat at her desk and went over last minute preparations for the ceremony.

Hearing the door chime ring Kim flew out of her room yelling "I got it…oh, hi Ensign Jones, Nicole"

"Hi Kimberley, Nicole has something to tell you…go on Nicole"

"When you weren't looking the other day, I took this from your room and told mom that you gave it to me." Nicole's voice dropped to just above a whisper, "I'm sorry"

"What's going on?" Kathryn asked from her desk. Kim looked at the Ensign before replying, "Nicole was just, um, returning something of mine." Leaning in closer, Ensign Jones apologized for bothering them. With a smile Kathryn returned to what she was doing.

Voyager was in orbit of a class M planet that had a lot of potential for many different functions on the ship. When the bride and groom to be saw the visual scans with its lakes an drivers, mountains and forests, flora and fauna they chose to have the wedding and reception planet side as opposed to on the ship as originally planned. With only an hour to go until the wedding, Kathryn decided to see how the bride to be was holding up.

"Captain come in, please have a seat"

Kathryn raised her hands in protest. "Thank you Ms. Syoto but I'm only staying a moment. I just came by to see how you are doing."

"I'm so nervous; I could barely sleep last night. I don't know what I would do without Sarah" she said glancing over at her best friend.

"You would show up in your pajamas and hair in curlers" Sarah teased her friend.

"I need to get ready; I'll see you on the planet Lieutenant, Ensign." Kathryn left and went back to her quarters to shower and change. Forty minutes later Janeway stood in front of her full length mirror scrutinizing her image.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay called out entering her quarters. "In here Chakotay" she answered.

"You look nice" he complimented from the doorway of her bedroom. Tugging on the jacket of her dress uniform with a growl Kathryn ran her hands over the fabric trying to smooth out the wrinkles. Frowning deeply she complained, "I'm huge"

"You're pregnant" he consoled, stepping behind her and gently rubbing her upper arms. Chuckling lightly at the glare she gave his reflection he patted her arms a couple times. "I'll leave you to finish getting ready".

------

When the wedding march began playing, Kathryn placed a hand on her abdomen and looked down in surprise. "Are you kidding me?" she silently asked her baby, realizing she was having a contraction. As the wedding progressed Kathryn found her labor annoying more than anything. Did this baby not realize that she was in the middle of an important crew function and had to be the Captain performing a wedding right now instead of a woman in labor? "By the powers invested in me as Captain of Voyager I now pronounce you husband and wife. Mr. Parker you may kiss your bride." Her body chose that precise moment to hit her with a contraction that was stronger than the previous ones. To add salt to a wound the baby gave a swift kick as if in protest to having its already cramped space squeezed in more. Closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths she pushed the pain away to a recessed corner of her mind where she would deal with it at a more appropriate time. "Ladies and gentlemen may I introduce to you Lieutenant Commander Junior Grade Steven Parker and Lieutenant Virginia Parker. Congratulations" she said beaming with pride as she hugged them both then stepped back for others to do the same.

The dinner was fabulous and everyone was impressed with the quality of the meal. Although she wasn't very hungry Kathryn couldn't help herself. With B'Elanna & Joe Carey's help they managed to rig up a sound system so that a dance was able to be had on the planet as well instead of on the ship. Steven and Virginia were so happy Kimberley came up with the idea that they appointed her Emcee for the night. "Ladies and Gentleman it is time for the traditional Captain and Commander dance with the bride and groom." This ritual began after the first wedding on board Voyager. Chakotay agreed to dance with the bride. The crew looked up to their Command Team not only as role models but also as parental substitutes of sorts. At first Kathryn was uncomfortable with it but soon realized it was something they looked forward to and in a way, needed, emotionally for the crew as well as herself. Everyone looked around for the Captain but they couldn't see her. Walking over to Chakotay Kimberley asked if Janeway had already left. "No, she didn't say anything to me. Carry on and I'll go find her" he said to the newlyweds. Chakotay scanned the land around him. A few yards away he thought he saw movement in the foliage and went to investigate. Getting closer he recognized the black and red uniform of the Captain strolling along obviously lost in thought. "Kathryn" he called out. Hearing her name she turned and waited for him to catch up to her. "Chakotay is everything alright?" Feeling another contraction she began to pace and concentrate on her breathing. "It depends, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Did you need me for something or were you just lonely?" she teased with a twinkle in her eye. Smiling shyly he answered, "Steven is waiting for his dance with the Captain."

"Well I can't let him down." She turned to head back but stopped after a few steps and winced. "Kathryn?"

"Damn contraction" she muttered.

"Contraction? You're in labor?!" he repeated in total shock. "How far apart are they?"

"Don't you **dare** make a big deal out of this" she warned him with a stern look. "It'll be a long while before it's time to deliver the baby. This is just between us, understood?" Seeing her relax as the pain passed Chakotay put his arm around her waist and walked with her back to the crowd. "Look who I found wandering over by the trees" he called out dropping his arm down to his side. The dance floor cleared so Chakotay, Kathryn and the newlyweds could dance.

-----

"Captain would you care to dance?"

"Thank you Mr. Paris but I don't feel much like dancing."

"Then maybe you should go back to the ship and have the Doctor check you instead." Kathryn glared at Chakotay then stood up. "I need some air, I'm going for a walk" she told him curtly. Placing a hand on the small of her back she lumbered off.

"What was that about?" Tom asked as he watched her retreating form. Shaking his head in dismay Chakotay answered, "She's tired of being pregnant but too stubborn to admit it."

Within two hours from the beginning of it, the reception was in full swing and everyone was having the time of their life. Chakotay hadn't heard from Kathryn in a while so he went to check on how she was feeling. He found her sitting on the bank of the river looking a little bit worn out. Walking up to her he asked, "Mind if I sit down?"

"No, I don't mind" she answered with a shake of her head. They sat in silence for a couple minutes before Kathryn finally asked him what he wanted. Picking up pebbles "Chakotay began throwing them into the water. "I came to check on you. I hadn't seen or heard from you in a while and I wanted to make sure everything was okay" he finally admitted.

"They're getting closer together and they are getting stronger, but it isn't as bad as when I was in labor with Kimberley."

"Lieutenant Parker to Commander Chakotay"

"Chakotay here"

"Sir we are heading back to Voyager now and we just wanted to thank you for the lovely wedding and reception."

"You're welcome, enjoy your time off"

"Thank you Sir. Parker out"

"I think I'm going to head back to Voyager also. Coming?" Reaching up she teased, "Help me?"

Kimberley was worried as to why her mom still wasn't back yet. Grabbing a tricorder she went off in search of her. Five minutes later she saw Kathryn ahead, leaning heavily on Chakotay in obvious pain. "Oh my gosh, daddy what's wrong? What happened?"

"She's gone into labor and her water broke. We're on our way to the transport site now" he explained.

"Forget the transport site, get me to Voyager NOW" Kathryn ordered, then added "Oh God I'm going to be sick."

When Janeway rematerialized on the transport pad her legs buckled and she hollered out in pain. After stepping off the pad w/ Chakotay's help she glared at the officer operating the console, "Ensign Engala don't you **EVER** transport someone while they're in the middle of having a contraction again. Is that clear?"

"Yes ma'am" he said as he proceeded to beam the doctor up and transfer him to sickbay. When Kathryn and Chakotay arrived at sickbay her contractions were coming every few minutes. Taking the medical gown that was handed to her, she disappeared into the other room to change. Ten minutes had passed before Kathryn returned from changing. Climbing onto the biobed the Doctor checked her over and announced that she was fully effaced and dilated to 8.5cm. "Everything is progressing as it should. An epidural won't wear off by the time you're ready to deliver so I'm giving you a local anesthetic to take the edge off the pain of your contractions. I'll be by in a couple of hours to check on you." The EMH pressed the hypospray against Kathryn's belly, recorded something on a padd, then disappeared to work on a few things that he had pending. Chakotay, along with Kimberley's help, stayed at her side doing his best to keep her comfortable.

"I don't remember it being this hard" Kathryn said with a grimace while she tried to find a comfortable position that didn't hurt her back so much.

"Well it has been quite a few years since you did this last; of course you're not going to remember it the same." Rolling her eyes at Chakotay Kathryn suddenly felt an intense urge to bear down and push. 

"Well, your baby is definitely anxious to meet her mama. Your body went from 8.5cm to 10cm in a matter of 28 minutes.

"That's fascinating. Could we possibly discuss the amazing feats of the human body at another time perhaps?" Kathryn growled; the sarcasm evident in her voice.   
**Forty-five minutes later...**

"Keep pushing hard Kathryn...that's a girl" Chakotay happily encouraged. "1,2,3,4,5...8,9,10" Kim counted along with the Doctor and Chakotay while wiping Kathryn's brow with a cool, damp cloth.

"I can almost see the head Captain. PUSH!" the EMH instructed.

"This is the _last_ time I go through this" she grunted as she sat up, took a deep breath and held it. "...9,10" Kathryn fell back against Chakotay, "I need a moment to catch my breath" she gasped while closing her eyes and licking her dry lips. Forty seconds later she was grabbing for someone's hand and starting to push again. This was repeated a few more times before the head was finally delivered.

"Captain I need you to not push for a moment" the Doctor told her firmly.

"You can't be serious. First off you keep telling me to push...oooh...nnng...and then you...uuuh...tell me to...aaah...stop?" she argued while fighting her urge to keep pushing.

"Just for a moment Captain. The cord is around the baby's neck and I have to turn her."

"Oooh God hurry it up, I want to push" Kathryn groaned as she tipped her head back and grimaced. After what felt like ten minutes but was really only a couple she was given the go ahead to continue.

"This is it mama, it's almost over." Thirteen minutes later Katelynn Rose Janeway entered the world crying loudly and weighing in at a healthy 8 pounds 15 ounces.


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, here we are. a new chapter finally. I would just like to say I'm sorry for the change in the formatting of Chapter 9. The first parts were written using MS Word but then I had to change programs, so i'm still learning some of the new things. Anyways, here we are with the continuation.**

**

* * *

**Chakotay went to check on Kathryn the following day. "I wanted to come by on my way to the Bridge and see how you're feeling." 

"Still pretty sore. Doctor says that's normal and should be gone in the next couple days."

"Take it easy. I'll see you later at dinner tonight." Chakotay squeezed her hand and left.

- - - - -

Kimberley had made it her mission to spend as much time with the baby as she could. When Katelynn was one week old Kathryn returned to active duty much to the dismay of her eldest daughter. Stepping off the turbo lift, Kathryn paused and looked around her Bridge for a moment before stepping down to her chair. Chakotay stood up and waved his hand as an invitation for her to sit. "Welcome back Captain, the Bridge is all yours". With a smile she sat down, running her hands across the metal arms.

"It's good to be back Commander. Status update." He handed her the reports that he was given at the morning briefing, smiling as their hands brushed momentarily. "Thank you" she said as she tried desperately to ignore the tingling in her fingers.

Kathryn had been on duty for a little over two hours when she realized that she hadn't done a single thing, including read the report Chakotay had given her when she had first sat down. Standing up she looked to her left. "Commander, you have the Bridge, I'll be in my Ready Room". Before Chakotay got a chance to respond she had fled to her sanctuary.

Her head snapped up when she heard the door chime to her Ready Room. Rubbing her eyes she pretended to be busy then called for entry. Seeing Chakotay walk through the door she visibly relaxed. "Commander, how can I help you?" Chakotay held out the padd to her. "Did you get any sleep last night?" he asked curiously.

"Yes but not much. It's kind of hard to when you have to get up every two to three hours to feed a newborn".

"It's not just that. You seem emotionally tired too."

"I'll be okay Commander. If there's nothing more..."

"Do you want to talk about what's bothering you Kathryn?" he interrupted.

"Not particularly" she answered as she picked up the padd and again tried to look busy.

"Okay, suit yourself. If you ever want to talk you know I'm there." With a sigh he turned to leave. Stepping just before the door sensors he turned back again. He wanted to walk over, wrap his arms around her and just hold her, even if she didn't break down and poor her heart out to him. She was about to ask Chakotay what else he wanted when she heard the doors open and close again, leaving her alone in her Ready Room once again.

- - - - -

"Hi Isabelle, whatcha doing?" Kimberley asked the 5-year-old sitting by herself in the corner.

"Nothing" she answered as she pulled her knees up tighter to her chest.

"Why aren't you playing with some of the other children?"

"Because they're being mean to me and they don't like me"

"I'm sure that isn't totally true. You're a fun kid to be with. Maybe they're shy..."

"NO THEY HATE ME!" Before Kimberley could say anything else to Isabelle, she jumped up and ran to another corner of the room in tears.

"What's going on?" Lieutenant Campbell walked over to where Kimberley stood looking over at Isabelle. Shrugging her shoulders Kimberley walked over to the bassinet that her sister was sleeping in. Picking her up carefully she placed a kiss on her forehead. "How's my Katie-bug?" Katelynn let out a loud wail, protesting her removal from her warm bed. She calmed down when held tightly to Kimberley's chest. Tapping her comm badge Kimberley hailed, "Nursery to Captain Janeway, you better come down here. Someone is in need of your services."

"Acknowledged, Commander you have the Bridge". Walking into the nursery Janeway called for a report. Walking up to the Captain, Kimberley handed the baby over. "I believe this is what you're looking for." Janeway looked at Kimberley in confusion but frowning at the tone of voice used. "She keeps sucking on my boob trying to eat" Kimberley growled then made a beeline for the door.

"CREWMAN JANEWAY!!" Kimberley stopped in her tracks but didn't turn back; she had a pretty good idea what was coming next. Lowering her head she started to slowly walk to the doors, "a word in private if you would". Feeling Kathryn's hand on her back guiding her out of the room Kimberley just nodded her head slightly. Once they were outside Kathryn didn't hold back, "your stint in there was uncalled for. Consider yourself restricted to quarters until further notice. Dismissed". Kimberley stood there with her mouth open as she watched her mom disappear back into the nursery.

"Computer open message link to the Command Console on the Bridge. Kimberley Janeway to Commander Chakotay, when you have a minute Sir I would like to meet with you regarding the Captain."

- - - - -

Kathryn took one last look at the table, straightened the forks and waited on her couch for Chakotay to arrive. Kimberley had gone over to Naomi's to eat so that she and Chakotay could talk in private. "you're hungry too are you? Hang on eager beaver...there you go". While Kathryn sat nursing Katelynn her mind wandered back to the argument with Kimberley that morning over her decision to back on duty so soon after Katelynn's birth. "How do I get her to see that as much as I would love to stay home and spend my time with you, that just isn't a luxury I can have. I am responsible for keeping my crew safe and getting them home. I have to concentrate on doing that..." Kathryn's breathing had become slightly ragged and she realized that she was becoming aroused due to the action of the baby sucking on her breast. Kathryn quickly changed her mind to something else. "Gama shift engineering reports should do the trick." Katelynn had begun falling asleep when Chakotay arrived. While he burped, changed and put Katelynn to bed Kathryn finished putting dinner on the table.

"Mm, smells good out here" he said inhaling deeply as he walked back to the table.

"Penne & veggie stirfry. Hope you're hungry" she told him with a smile. After they had finished diner and cleared the table they moved to the couch where he finally told her the true reason for the meeting. "Kimberley told me about your...conversation this morning and then your...discussion...in the nursery."

"Chakotay..." she started to say but he cut her off before she could continue. "I agree with your decision about coming back on duty and that Kimberley's actions in the Nursery were out of line but can you see where she's coming from?"

Kathryn stood up and walked over to the view port closest to her bedroom. She didn't want to listen to what he was saying because deep down she knew he was right. "Explain what you mean"

"Can you see why Peanut is angry with your decision to go back on duty right away?" Frustration flashed in her eyes and she spun around so fast that she nearly fell over. "No Chakotay I'm sorry but I can't. Please feel free to enlighten me" she snapped bitterly.

"I believe her reason to me was 'I want Katelynn to be able to grow up knowing who her mom is and that she doesn't feel her existence is just a mistake even though technically that true'. Kathryn, she doesn't want Katelynn to miss out on all the things that she did growing up". Looking into Kathryn's face he saw that the anger and bitterness had disappeared and was replaced by a deep sadness. She quickly turned away hoping he hadn't noticed the look of shock on her face but she knew in her heart he saw it although he would never acknowledge it. That is one of the many endearing things she loved about this man. He was discreet when she needed it. She realized he had said something but she never heard what it was but he was waiting for some kind of acknowledgment. Giving him a silent nod of her head he left her to be alone with her thoughts. "I'll see you at 0700 tomorrow Commander" she replied. After Chakotay left Kathryn had tried to work on reports, read a book, anything to get her mind off their after-dinner conversation. She could still hear Kimberley's words running around in circles through her mind as said by Chakotay. Janeway eventually gave up trying to relax and just went into Katelynn's room and held her while rocking in the chair.

When she entered her quarters Kimberley noticed that all the lights were off save for the light of passing stars. The music playing softly in the background told her that things were still somewhat tense. "Mom? Are you here mom?"

"In here sweetheart"

"oh, sorry. I didn't realize you were busy. I just wanted to say goodnight" Kimberley turned to leave but Kathryn stopped her. "Wait, I want to talk to you" laying the baby down again Kathryn followed Kimberley out to the couch.

"I'm not sorry for what I said this morning" Kimberley said sitting down.

"That's too bad. I want you to explain what you meant when you told Commander Chakotay that Katelynn should grow up knowing her mom and not feel that her life is a mistake."

"In a nutshell, I don't want her to have to go through what I did growing up. She deserves someone who will be there to tuck her into bed and read her a story every night; hold you at night when you have a bad dream; not worry that today may be the last day with you, teach you about hair, makeup and boys; who will take yo places or at least not be disappointed that another play date is broken because mommy has to work." Kimberley realized that she sounded bitter but she really didn't care.

"Kimberley I don't know how else to get you to understand that I have 150+ other 'children' that I have to keep safe and be with, not just you and Katelynn. Now, this 'mistake' part..."

"...she doesn't need to know that you are comfortable with the idea of not being with us is because we remind you of how messed up your life became. I don't make any sense I'm sure but I can't explain it. Excuse me." Before Kathryn could object Kimberley stepped into her room and shut the door, ignoring the sound of her mom ringing and knocking on the door. After 10 minutes Kathryn finally gave up. Choosing a handful of reports and requests she retired to her own room for the night.

- - - - -

The following morning Kathryn had already gone to work when Kimberley got up. "Computer locate Captain Janeway"

"Captain Janeway is on the Bridge". Kimberley walked over to the computer and opened a channel to the Command Console. "Yes Miss Janeway, what can I do for you?"

"I didn't see you this morning before you left so I was just wanting to say good morning"

"You were sleeping so soundly I didn't want to disturb you by waking you up"

"I don't mind when you do. To be honest I would prefer it if you do. That way I'll know if I go back to sleep and then wake up again and you and Katelynn aren't there, that's why".

"Captain did you change our course through this space?" Tom interrupted from the Helm.

"No Mr. Paris, I haven't approved any course changes." Kathryn turned back to her console, "I'll see you later" then she changed the screen so she could see the same navigation readings as Tom. After a moment she hailed Engineering. "Lieutenant we show that an energy burst occurred causing a change in our current course. What's going on down there?"

"We're on it Captain. As soon as we find out where it came from I'll let you know"

"Keep me informed, Janeway out". She was already up by Ops hoping Harry was finding some info to possibly explain it. "I'll be in Engineering, Commander you have the Bridge. All stop Mr. Paris until we figure out why we changed course."

"Aye Captain. Voyager at all stop"

An hour later B'Elanna was glad to report that they had found the problem. "Turns out there was a short in the relay from the gel packs in Section 26 Gama on Deck 14. They should be back up and running properly within the hour Captain".

"Good job Lieutenant. Inform the Bridge when we can resume course."

"Yes Captain, Torres out"

* * *

**Chapter 11 coming soon...**


	11. Chapter 11

"Happy Birthday dear Kimberley, happy birthday to you". Everyone cheered and applauded when she blew out all but one candle on her birthday cake.

"That means that Michael Torres is your boyfriend" Isabelle shouted happily. Her mom quickly clapped a hand over Isabelle's mouth before she could say anything more. "Kids, he he" she said chuckling nervously.

After everyone present had gotten their piece of cake it was time for Kimberley to open her gifts. "This one here is from the Captain and Commander Chakotay" Naomi read the tag, then made a note onto the hand held padd.

"Ooh, it's kinda heavy...and big...what can it be?" Kimberley commented placing the box on her lap. When she opened the lid she gasped, "Oh my gosh" she whispered in awe.

"What did you get?" Isabelle and Nicole Jones asked at the same time. They were trying to climb over Kimberley so they could look in the box too. Kimberley ignored the girls and instead looked left first to Michael, then to her right at Naomi. Her look seemed to ask is this really for me or is it a 'guilt' present? Things were still somewhat tense between her and her mom even though their argument was weeks old by now. Looking back at the present she hesitated for a moment again then reached in and pulled out a ToneSmith 316 Underdog guitar in Candy Apple Red with a metallic sparkle. Kimberley realized that everyone was watching her and even whispering to each other. She quickly took a page from Kathryn's book and tucked her feelings behind a mask of calmness, pasted on a smile and pretended everything was okay. "Thank-you everyone for coming here and for these lovely gifts. Looking in the crowd she found Neelix. "Neelix thank you for making my cake, it was really good. I'm curious what lavish feast awaits me this evening for my party." Standing up she went over and wrapped her arms around him giggling as his whiskers tickled her neck.

- - - - -

"Mind if I join you?" Chakotay asked sidling up beside Janeway.

"Mm? Oh, Chakotay are you enjoying yourself?" she asked jumping a bit when she realized he was right next to her.

"As a matter of fact I am, you ought to try it sometime" he teased gently. When she didn't react or remark he reached behind and lightly rubbed her back in a friendly gesture. "What are you thinking so deeply about?"

Kathryn smiled and raised her glass in response to a hologram who initiated the action. "Look at Kimberley she is having a great time."

"Especially with Michael, those two are literally inseparable"

"It's good to see her happy. Besides, you remember what it was like to be young and in love."

"Which is all the more reason I'm not comfortable with her being with him in that way". Even though Kimberley wasn't his biological child he still cared for her deeply and wanted the best for her.

Kathryn decided she had been at the party long enough. Finding Kimberley she quietly bid her goodnight, "don't stay up really late. Have a good time and I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay goodnight Captain, Commander". The party ended about midnight however Kimberley, Michael, and Naomi didn't want to leave yet so they changed the program to Sandrines and continued having a good time, finally calling it a night close to 0300 the next morning. Being the gentleman that his parents are trying to raise him to be, he walked the girls back to their quarters, starting with Naomi. "Goodnight Naomi" Michael said hugging his friend and kissing her cheek.

"Behave yourself now guys" she replied returning his hug and winking at Kimberley over his shoulder.

"Sleep well Nomes. I'll talk to you tomorrow" Kimberley said repeating Michael's actions.

"Tomorrow I want to hear about the rest of your night tonight" Naomi whispered into Kimberley's ear before letting go and entering her quarters with a mischievous smile.

Kimberley and Michael wandered the ship for a bit before finally ending up in the Observation Lounge where they sat and watched the stars slowly passing by. "Enjoying yourself?"

"Very much so, especially now" she smiled as she glanced into his chocolate brown eyes. As he continued to stare deeply into her cobalt blue eyes her heart began to beat faster. Every time he looked at her the way he was right now, it literally took her breath away and she loved the feeling. She welcomed the feel of his lips on hers and his hands holding her tight to him as they discovered new ways to please each other emotionally as well as physically. They eventually fell asleep in each others arms, curled up together in a chair with she in his lap. His one hand rested on her bottom, his other hand underneath her shirt on her breast. Kimberley's hands were just as conspicuously placed with one being tangled in his hair at the base of his neck and the other being underneath her shirt with his. They stayed this way until Kimberley's internal alarm clock woke her up.

- - - - -

A couple days later Kimberley was working in the daycare/Nursery when Michael came by to see her. "Hi, what brings you here?" she asked giving him a kiss.

"I wanted to know if you had plans for tonight?"

"No I don't, none that I know of anyway. Why?"

"Gotta run, I love you" he replied hastily.

_**Meanwhile on the Bridge:**_

"Captain Janeway we would be honored to have you as a guest in our home tonight for dinner. You could check out our community and see if there is anything you wish to trade for perhaps."

"Thank you Mr. Pnar. I will have a list of items for you by tonight. Janeway out". Kathryn spent the next hour checking the inventory in all her different departments, hoping at least someone was stocked well enough to not need anything. "Come in" she called out hearing her Ready Room door chime. She smiled at seeing Chakotay and went over to her replicator for more coffee thankful for the intrusion, for once.

"Here is the away team schedule" he said handing her the padd.

"Thank you Chakotay. Do you have the inventory reports from the different departments?"

"all except Thermal Dynamics and Hydroponics"

"Did they say how long?"

"No and they're the two departments I talked to first"

"...and they're _still_ not finished? Don't bother answering, it was a rhetorical question."

"You want me to go there now and bring back what they already have written?"

Closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose she sighed. This was an ongoing problem and she decided that enough was enough. She shook her head slowly, "no I'm tired of getting reports late. It's time to bring in the big guns. I'll go talk to them, you have the Bridge". On her way down Janeway made a mental note to check the efficiency over the past few months of the officers in charge of the departments. For now she just wanted a list of supplies needed so she could do her trading and get out of here. Stepping off the turbolift she took a moment and then pulled on her Captain's mask and headed to Thermal Dynamics.

"Captain on the deck!"

"As you were crewman" she ordered with a slight nod and twitch of a smile for approval. "Lieutenant Fresco, report"

"Captain there's a fluctuation in the temperature of disrupter tank 4. We're analyzing the scans now but so far haven't come up with an explanation of why". Kathryn went over to the console containing the readouts to see for herself. Not finding any difference in her analysis she told him to keep her informed. "The reason I'm here is to get the inventory request and summary report I asked for an hour ago."

"I'm sorry Captain. The first time I had heard about this request was when Commander Chakotay came around to collect it. I have a very brief summary for you ma'am but I will need another hour to turn in an acceptable official report Captain". Over the past 17 years Kathryn had gotten good at reading her crew and knowing when they were trying to hide something. Lieutenant Fresco's apology and explanation seemed genuine enough. "one hour on my desk, personally. Dismissed."

"Yes Captain"

- - - - - -

"Here is the report as requested Captain" Fresco said walking into the Ready Room.

"Thank you Lieutenant."

"Bridge to Captain Janeway"

"Go ahead Harry"

"Governor Pnar is waiting your arrival whenever you're ready"

"Let him know I'll be there within the hour, Janeway out." Standing up Kathryn rounded the desk.

- - - - -

Michael and Kimberley stood outside her quarters locked in a passionate embrace, oblivious to any crew members who may have been passing by. It was no secret by now that they were definitely a couple. "I don't want to have to say goodnight yet" he growled as he nipped at her jawline and lips.

"You – don't – have to" she replied in between kisses. Reaching behind her she fumbled with the keypad on the door trying to enter her code. On the fifth attempt she finally managed to get it right and the doors swished open causing them to stumble inside. "Computer lock doors to Captain's quarters, authorization Kjaneway592Alpha10".

"Doors sealed" the computer confirmed. Taking her hand Michael walked towards the bedroom. "Wait," she said stopping, "are you sure you want to do this?" He pulled her close and kissed her passionately and more voraciously than ever before, while his body spoke for itself as to how much he wanted to be with her. "Does that answer your question?"

Kimberley just nodded her head while she concentrated on staying upright. She was overwhelmed with emotion and desired Michael in a way she never felt before. Wrapping her arms around his neck she pulled him close until their lips locked together. Letting out a deep growl Michael picked her up and carried her to the bed. Kimberley gasped and winced as she felt his teeth sink into the flesh of her jaw. They continued to love each other well into the night before they fell into a deep sleep brought on by blissful exhaustion.

- - - - -

Kimberley opened her eyes trying to figure out what had woke her up. Feeling a warm breath on the back of her neck reminded her of what was different. She was no longer a young adult but a woman now. As she rolled over her body cried out in pain for straining certain muscles she had never used before. Kimberley reached out and ran her hand lightly across his forehead, down the side of his face, across his lips and finally around the back of his neck. She loved the feel of his hair run through her fingers; and it also turned him on when she did that in the same way it turned her on when he kissed a certain spot right behind her earlobes. _ He's smiling, must be having a good dream_ she thought to herself. Shifting slightly she got right tight against him and ran her tongue across his lips causing them to part slightly. Taking advantage of this welcoming she kissed him and worked her way to his shoulders and eventually his chest where his nipples stood erect – among other things. Michael let out a moan of pleasure then pulled Kimberley back up so he could kiss her. "Mm good morning" he said with a smile on his face. "I had the best dream last night."

"Oh? What was it?" she asked curiously as she let her hands roam over his body.

"I dreamt that we finally made love. It was so intense and lasted all night long"

"That was no dream my love" Kimberley smiled teasingly as her hand moved back and forth on his lower torso. Grabbing her wrists he removed her hands from his body and rolled her over onto her back. He continued to hold her hands above her head with one hand while using his mouth and other hand to tease her until she was grinding against him; begging to be able to touch and love him back. He enjoyed hearing her cry out his name aloud as he pleased her.

"Damn it Michael, I can't last much longer."

"I love it – when -- you – talk that – way" he replied as he lowered himself onto her and quickly obtained a counter-rhythm increasing his pace as her nails raked down his back.

"Oh my God that was incredible" she said as she layed back in his arms catching her breath. "I could stay like this forever"

"So could I but we better get showered and dressed before someone comes looking for us."

Kimberley groaned as she heard the alarm on the computer go off. "Too late" she said climbing out of bed and reaching for her robe. "You shower first, I'll go next."

"Or I could wait and we could go together" he suggested kissing her neck seductively. Laughing she pushed him away, "go shower". Kimberley grimaced as she sat at Jane way's desk and activated the monitor.

- - - - -

"Janeway to Voyager, one to beam up". As soon as the Captain rematerialized Katelynn squealed and reached for her mom.

"How did the trade agreement go Captain?"

"Fine, it went fine. The last of the supplies should be on board in an hour then we will break orbit and continue on our journey. Did you sleep okay last night?" she asked Kimberley.

"Oh she slept wonderfully last night, didn't you?" Naomi said with a twinkle in her eye.

"I slept fine" Kimberley agreed turning three shades of red and shooting the "Janeway death glare" in Naomi's direction. Being the good captain that she is, Kathryn didn't miss Kimberley's reaction at all. Rather than saying something she just raised an eyebrow to Chakotay who shook his head meaning he didn't understand what that was about either.

"No, no sweetie. Mommy needs those" Kathryn told Katelynn who was trying to put Jane way's pips in her mouth. Taking the plastic music ring that Kimberley held out Kathryn told her, "here Katelynn chew on this". Stepping out of the lift onto the bridge she started her day. "Helm, as soon as all the supplies are aboard continue on our previous heading, warp 2. Mr. Tuvok you have the Bridge." With Katelynn still on her hip Janeway disappeared into her Ready Room. She had just finished recording a log entry when she saw the report about supplies needed for Thermal Dynamics, reminding her that she was going to review all the times the reports were late. As it turns out the results showed that each time they were late was when Naomi had gone down to deliver the request. Opening a comm line Janeway informed Naomi, Lieutenant Fresco and Ensign Parkes that there was to be a meeting in one hour. "Commander Chakotay please report to my Ready Room"

"Aye Captain"

- - - - - -

The three crewmembers were waiting in the Briefing room when Kathryn walked in with Chakotay right behind her and sat down, everyone else following suit. For a good five minutes not a word was said and the only sounds to be heard were those of Kathryn in her seat scrolling through the padd in her hand. When she finally did speak her voice was calm but laced with tones of disappointment and dissatisfaction. "I have called for this meeting because there seems to be a problem with reports being completed on time When Commander Chakotay investigated further he found that it only seemed to happen at certain times." Kathryn looked each of them in the eye making sure her point was getting across.

"What times were those Captain?"

"The times when Naomi Wildman announced that a report was required from Thermal Dynamics" Chakotay answered. Kathryn saw Parkes shift uncomfortably in his chair and look at his hands. Turning her attention to the chair across from him she asked, "Lieutenant Fresco please explain".

"Captain, the reports were late because I was unaware they were required until they were due or shortly before then, therefore not giving me an adequate amount of time to write it properly."

"The message was always delivered right away Captain. I would personally go down to every department and deliver the message personally." Naomi said aloud, defending herself before Janeway and Chakotay could put the blame on her.

"When I went to collect yesterday's report Lieutenant Fresco didn't know what report I was talking about. He was unaware the Captain had asked for one at all". All eyes turned to Naomi when Chakotay said this and her face became angry. She resented the fact that she was being accused of not doing her job. "I went down there and Ensign Parkes told me that Lieutenant Fresco was in Engineering so I told him that I needed an inventory report in an hour and then I left."

"How much time had passed between the time Miss Wildman left Thermal Dynamics and Lieutenant Fresco returned from Engineering, Mr. Parkes?"

"I don't know Captain, a while I think. I remember that when I did see him I have him the message right away."

"BULLSHIT!! I saw Naomi leave Thermal Dynamics as I rounded the corner in the corridor. It wasn't until after the Commander left and I asked everyone in the room if they knew about a report, that you told me about Naomi giving you the message." Fresco yelled angrily. "I was five feet away from you when I got Donnelly to help you, while I finished what I was working on."

Chakotay bristled with anger at the outburst. He knew the Lieutenant was only clearing up how long he had to wait to know about the report, but protocol was protocol and the rules on Voyager state that when you are in a room with a Commanding Officer you keep your temper and attitude in check. "Lieutenant you're dismissed".

"Captain..." Fresco pleaded standing up and looking over to her. With a glower on her face Kathryn placed both hands flat on the table for support and slowly stood up. In a calm razor edged voice she echoed Chakotay. "Dismissed!" Drumming her fingers on the table top, Kathryn dropped her head and counted to 10 before speaking again. "Miss Wildman, in the future when delivering messages, make sure the shift supervisor has received the report **before** you leave." Not hearing an answer, Janeway looked up to make sure Naomi heard her. "Yes ma'am" she acknowledged quietly. Looking away she quietly dismissed Naomi leaving only Chakotay, Ensign Parkes and herself in the room. "Is there a reason why you didn't think it was necessary to relay the message from Miss Wildman to Mr. Fresco?"

"She talked as if the report was for herself not you Captain".

"Why does it matter who the report was for? You were given an order". Janeway was struggling to keep her voice calm but she was quickly losing the fight.

"With all due respect Captain, that order was given by a rankless child"

"A rankless child who happens to be the acting Captain's Assistant" Chakotay interjected angrily.

Walking over to stand in between him and Parkes, Kathryn placed a hand on Chakotay's shoulder to stop him from saying anything else. "Whether Miss Wildman has a rank or not means nothing. You were told that a report was needed and it was then your responsibility to make sure the message was given to the appropriate officer in charge, who at the time was Lieutenant Fresco. You'll be closely watched about this matter from now on. Don't screw it up Ensign. Dismissed".

"Aye Captain" Ensign Parkes acknowledged standing up. When Janeway and Chakotay were alone again she sat back down in her chair, leaned her elbows on the table and massaged her forehead with the heels of her hands. Letting out a heavy sigh she said, "I have a feeling this is going to turn out to be one hell of a long day Chakotay."

"I'll be on the Bridge" he said softly, then disappeared out the door.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"How does that feel? You glad to have a clean diaper?" Katelynn smiled and blew a raspberry at her mom as a response. "ooh my goodness you're getting heavy" Kathryn commented as she picked Katelynn up and carried her out to the playpen that was set up in the main lounging area. "Peanut are you coming to the holodeck with us?" Kathryn called from her room. It had taken her three long months but she had finally gotten her pre-pregnancy figure back.

"No I think I'm just gonna stay here"

"Okay, suite yourself. I have it booked for an hour so if you change your mind..." Kathryn had changed out of her uniform and was now wearing black leggings, a red top and black running shoes. Placing Katelynn in her stroller she headed out the door. A minute later Kim opened a comm line, "Janeway to Michael Torres"

"Hey sweetie, what can I do for you?"

"I need your help with my Biology homework. It's rather urgent."

"I'll be right there my love. Torres out." As soon as he was inside her quarters they were all over each other. "We only have an hour" she told him as she removed her shirt. He was standing in front of her in just his pants, his jacket having been removed even before the doors had closed.

"We better make the most of it then shouldn't we?" he said as he ran his lips over the freckled skin just above the lace of her bra. Forty-five minutes later they sat in each others arms talking and watching the stars. "Kimberley could you please come and get your sister, I'm needed in the airponics bay" Kathryn called over the comm.

"What if I don't want to?" she grumbled quietly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Acknowledged Captain. Janeway out."

It was quite late when Kathryn made it back from her trip to airponics. As she walked in the door she was assaulted with the twang of guitar strings and the soft melodic voice coming from Kimberley's room. The closer she got the better she could hear the song. It seemed to have a haunting sadness to it which Kathryn found odd. "Hey Peanut...How was your day?"

"Fine" she answered non-nonchalantly without looking up.

"What did you do?"

"Not much"

"Okay then. Don't stay up too late."

- - - - -

Michael had enlisted Naomi to help him with cleaning the Plasma manifolds. They worked in silence for an hour before Michael broke it. "I thought Peanut was going to do this with you."

"Me too. She said afterward that she had something else she needed to do instead. So how was your picnic the other night, did she like the program?"

"I guess she did, I'm not sure. She never said she didn't like it"

Naomi sat back trying to find a different position in the cramped space they were in. "Has she changed at all? In her attitude and that?"

"You noticed it to?" he asked hopefully. Naomi nodded her head, "she never wants to hang out anymore and she cancels plans"

"We used to be with each other every chance we got and now it feels like she's avoiding me. The passion between us is gone. Has she talked to you about anything?"

Shaking her head she answered, "no we're barely speaking right now. We need to do something about it though."

"I agree but _what _do we do?"

"We confront her. She's fighting an internal battle with herself and if she doesn't tell someone soon, I'm afraid of what she'll do."

As the week wore on Kimberley's mood continued to darken. Kathryn tried countless times to get Kimberley to open up and tell her what was bothering her but for all her efforts it caused Kimberley to close up even more. For three days Naomi worked with Kimberley before she got a chance to talk with her. They were working on repairing the anodyne relays on Deck 12. Naomi could hear Kimberley muttering away angrily and unusually loud banging. "Hey hey what gives?"

"This stupid piece of crap won't stay aligned!"

"Have you tried putting the scanner tool on a rotating pulse resonating frequency?"

"Yes, it won't work!" Kimberley demanded throwing the tool on the ground. Five minutes later Naomi sat back with a smile on her face and handed the tool to Kimberley. "You had the wrong frequency ratio."

"Thanks". Taking the tool she stood up to leave and felt the room spin. Grabbing at the bulkhead for support she waited until her head cleared. Feeling a hand on her arm she heard Naomi ask, "what's wrong?"

"I'm fine" Kimberley lied with a shake of her head.

"No you're not. What's wrong?" Realizing she couldn't hold it back anymore, Kimberley felt tears sting her eyes and with a tremor in her voice, confided in Naomi.

- - - - -

Kimberley, Naomi, and Michael sat in Michael's room talking to each other. Now that Kimberley had finally let her secret out she was feeling a bit better but wasn't back to her regular self yet. "Does the Captain know?" Michael and Naomi looked at Kimberley.

"You can't say anything. Swear to me you won't say a thing."

"Kimberley she's going to find out sooner or later. I'm sure she'd rather hear it coming from you directly than the gossip mill."

"She'll kill me, and Daddy will kill you Michael"

"She needs to know Kimberley. Whether she kills us or not it's guaranteed she'll kill us if she has to find out from somewhere else."

"I'll tell her, just not right now. _Please_, swear to me you won't say a word to the Captain or Commander Chakotay." Seeing their hesitation she began to worry that they wouldn't comply.

"Please?" she pleaded again as the tears began to form.

"Okay, I won't say anything... yet" Michael agreed. Kimberley looked to Naomi. Slowly she nodded her head in agreement.

- - - - -

Tom Paris was in Shuttle bay One working on repairs to the Delta Flyer when Michael walked up and began helping. After a short while Michael said, "I need your advice dad"

"What about?"

"Well, someone told me something in confidence and made me promise I would keep it secret. The problem is that it involves me and I feel the Captain should know what the problem is but the person doesn't want her to know. Not Commander Chakotay either."

"Who does it involve and how big is the problem?" Tom asked with a hint of sadness in his voice. "Michael" he prompted more sternly. He couldn't explain the exact emotion or feeling in his son's eyes but he did see how troubled he felt.

"Kimberley thinks she's pregnant and..."

"...and you're the father" Tom finished. Michael nodded his head, "yes sir". Before they could continue with their conversation the ship rocked hard and the klaxons began blaring. "Red Alert! All hands report to battle stations!"

- - - - -

Tom and B'Elanna sat on the couch curled up together, going over their daily reports. "I don't know why I even bother with these half the time. I could sum it up in two sentences. All systems running at same capacity. For further details see report form Stardate 60163.9" B'Elanna grumbled.

"Had a rough day today did you?" Tom asked soothingly as he rubbed his wife's legs that were draped across his lap.

"Don't even get me started Flyboy. It took over three hours to do a basic routine warp core and sensor diagnostic. Every time one system got fixed another one overloaded and blew a console. While I was curled up underneath one said console I hear Miral ask me what I'm doing. I was so surprised to find her in my Engine room – where she isn't supposed to be to start with – that I automatically sit up causing me to hit my head quite hard. After asking why she is in an unauthorized place, she gives me the pathetic excuse that she's bored and wants to help me. That's when the Captain called for red alert and expected me to keep the ship in one piece while those aliens used us for target practice."

"Try being on the Bridge with the Captain breathing down your neck to avoid being the target so your job is easier."

"Oh yes, your day was so hard" B'Elanna replied sarcastically but with a smile. Letting out a big yawn she decided it was time to turn in for the night.

* * *

**at least 1 more chapter still to come, maybe even 2...**


	13. Chapter 13

Angel's Lullabye can be found on the REBA Season 1 DVD

* * *

_Crewman Janeway's Personal Log Stardate :_

_I just came back from Sickbay where the Doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now I have to decide how I'll handle it._

_Personal Log Supplemental:_

_After much deliberation – and many sleepless nights – I have decided to go with the option of terminating the pregnancy. When I told Michael my decision I couldn't tell if he was happy, sad, relieved or what. I don't like keeping things from mom but I didn't have much of a choice. I know how upset she'd be if she found out I'd gotten pregnant to start with, and if she didn't get mad she would definitely be disappointed and maybe even feel guilty that this had happened because she wasn't around enough to keep a closer eye on me – not that t would have mattered anyway. Michael and I love each other a lot and if we want to be together, we'll find a way to do it._

_- - - - -_

Kathryn Janeway sat in the darkness of her quarters, eyes closed as she focused on trying not to think about the hammering pain inside her head. Today was definitely one of those days she wished had never existed. It started out with her oversleeping and then a power surge caused her sonic shower to overload. When she did finally make it to the Bridge four people were out sick leaving her with crew members who were pulling extra shifts and being distractingly nervous because they weren't used to working with the Captain present at the time. By noon she had barely made a dent in her reports before she had to return to the Bridge and convince yet another alien species that Voyager wasn't really worth blowing up. Energy was low at the moment so replicator rations had been reduced which means she was forced to cut back on the number of cups of coffee she allowed herself to have. Because she was going through caffeine withdrawals everyone else on the Bridge could feel her tension as well. This did not make for smooth running of duty shifts. There were three different altercations each involving multiple crew members so by the time her shift had ended the pile of reports on her desk had grown an inch.

Shortly after Janeway walked into her quarters two hours ago, Katelynn had started wailing loudly at the top of her lungs and hadn't stopped. Kathryn hadn't had a chance to feed her yet and was feeling _very_ uncomfortable because was so full of milk.

"Haven't you gotten her to stop yet?" Kimberley yelled as she entered the room, covering her ears.

Kathryn just lifted her head, which had been resting on the back of the couch, and shot an icy look at the teenager. "If you think it's so easy then by all means, feel free" she replied sarcastically with a wave of her hand. "While you're at it, convince her that she wants to eat" she added as an afterthought.

Kimberley reached into the crib and picked up her sister. "What's the matter Katiebug? Why are you still crying? Mama's cranky because you haven't eaten. Is that why you're upset, are you hungry?" Kimberley noticed that as she started talking Katelynn quieted down and pretty soon quit crying altogether. "Were you just wanting to see me and missed hearing my voice? Come on, let's go see Mama before she explodes." Kimberley chuckled as her sister just stared at her as if Kimberley had three heads. Kimberley decided to test a lullaby she had written not long ago. Snuggling her sister to her chest she paced the room and began singing:

_Midnight moonlight shining through the curtain lace_

_Paints a perfect picture on your perfect face_

_One sweet angel sleeping in my arms_

_You are the promise I knew God would keep_

_You are the gift that makes my world complete_

_And you'll never know how much I love you_

_But I'll keep on telling you my whole life through_

_Now I believe in miracles and you're the reason why_

_So dream on, while I sing you, my angel's lullaby_

Katelynn was almost asleep when Kimberley finished so she quietly walked over, handed the baby to her waiting mother, then disappeared into her bedroom. She wasn't prepared for how emotional she was feeling. She had made the mistake of imagining that Katelynn was her baby and she had written the song for that reason. Reality suddenly hit her like a ton of bricks that by this time tomorrow she would no longer be carrying a new life within her. Just like a couple nights ago when she found out she was pregnant. Kimberley hugged her stomach, curled into the fetal position and cried eventually falling asleep from emotional exhaustion.

- - - - -

The morning briefing had gone really well. They were only a few light years away from a large dilithium deposit reading; crew efficiency reports were actually above average for the month and sensors were showing clear sailing for a week (although everyone knew how fast that could change). Kathryn dismissed everyone with a smile then stood up herself. When B'Elanna stood up Tom grabbed her hand, "honey hang on a moment" and pulled down indicating she should stay. Noticing Tom & B'Elanna still in their seats she said to them, "Lieutenants I dismissed you, you can leave now."

"Actually Captain there's something I need to inform you about." Tom said sitting up a little straighter.

"Janeway to Bridge. Commander please return to the briefing room"

"Aye Captain". When he arrived she turned the floor over to Tom.

"Captain the Doctor wasn't telling you the whole story when he said he had a surgery this morning."

"What do you mean Lieutenant?" Chakotay asked in confusion.

"Tom what's going on?" B'Elanna had a feeling by his pensiveness last night that something was being kept secret and now she knew it. They were a team – husband and wife – and she didn't like the idea that he had kept something a secret from her.

"Captain, the Doctor is terminating a pregnancy" Tom finally explained. Kathryn looked to Chakotay. "Commander, were you aware of any of this?"

"No Captain I have no idea what is going on"

"Captain he's terminating Kimberley's pregnancy."

- - - - -

**Kathryn's POV**

Did I just hear Tom say Kimberley's name? I am wrong. I will turn around and he'll have a big grin on his face and he'll laugh and say he's kidding... oh crap he isn't smiling. If anything he looks scared. Suddenly I am having trouble catching my breath. Kimberley pregnant? She's just turned 16. She's too young to be thinking about having sex let alone actually going through with it. Damn it Kathryn pull yourself together. "Did you just say Kimberley is the one..." I can't even bring myself to say the word. As I hear him utter the words 'yes ma'am' I feel tears sting my eyes, so I quickly turn away before they notice. I manage to pull my mask in place but did i do it fast enough? Turning back around I try to speak the word "how" but my voice catches in my throat. Clearing it with a touch of difficulty I try again. "Why do you think it's Kimberley?" I hope no one noticed the waiver in my voice and to my relief it seems they didn't. I can feel Chakotay looking at me, trying to see the feelings behind my mask but thankfully years of Starfleet training has taught me how to not be intimidated by scrutinizing stares.

"Michael told me"

"when?"

"last night"

B'Elanna voiced angrily what the rest of us were thinking. "How does he know?" B'Elanna is fighting a losing battle with her temper, and bless her heart for succeeding thus far but deep down in my gut I know all Hell is going to break loose she she can't fight anymore.

"He's the father". I feel like I've just been punched in the stomach. "What do you mean he's the father?"; "I'm gonna kill you Paris"; "Oh my God" B'Elanna, Chakotay and Janeway say simultaneously. Out of the corner of her eye Janeway saw Chakotay lunge towards Paris in an angry rage. Quickly intercepting him she used all her force and strength to hold him back. "Chakotay stop...Chakotay that's enough!" She said his name a second time with a little more force while he fought her restraints. He was still mouthing off to Paris who was defending himself from the wrath of his wife's Klingon temper. He finally managed to calm her down enough to convince her to sit down. Chakotay, however, was determined to stand his ground and wasn't going to budge, but continued to glare angrily at Tom as if this whole thing was somehow his fault. Kathryn was determined to regain control of the situation, using her frustration and anger as a means of strength she managed to shove Chakotay back to his seat. "I said that's enough Commander!" Kathryn ran her left hand through her hair then began to rub her forehead just above her left eyebrow while her right hand automatically came to rest on her hip. She could feel her whole body shaking as she tried to piece everything together. "Lt. Paris start from the beginning and tell me everything."

"I don't know a whole lot, Captain. The other day I was in the shuttle bay making repairs on the Delta Flyer when Michael came by. He began helping me and finally he said he had a problem. He explained that someone had told him something in confidence and that he was to keep it a secret but doing that was starting to bother him because he was involved. I asked him who she was and how big the problem was. That's when he told me that Kimberley thought she was pregnant & that's when I realized he's the father. He felt it was Kimberley's place to tell you so asked me not to tell you either. Last night was when she apparently told him of her decision to have the abortion and that he was going to be wit her for the procedure." Kathryn was sitting down by the time Tom finished.

"Thank you Lt." Getting up she walked over to the wall panel and called up the Doctor on the screen. "How is your patient doing Doctor?"

"Just fine Captain. I'm keeping the patient here for observation and they'll be released to quarters later this evening."

"Thank you Doctor" she closed the link then dismissed everyone. "Oh and Lt Paris, if you ever keep something important like this from me again, I will personally throw you in the Brig myself."

"Yes Captain"

Kathryn entered her ready room via the hallway and went into the washroom to freshen up and make sure she looked presentable. After replicating a glass of water she stepped onto the Bridge and asked for a report.

"Good morning Captain" Chakotay greeted as she took her chair.

"Commander" she acknowledged with a nod.

"Hell of a morning we've had. Why would Kimberley not want you to know that she's pregnant?"

"I don't know, but I can't worry about that right now, there's too many other things needing my attention"

- - - - -

Kathryn's duty shift was almost over by the time she got around to talking to the Doctor in Sickbay. "were you going to tell me who the patient was when you wrote your report Doctor?"

"Captain you know I cannot reveal that information without the patient's consent."

"You wouldn't do it even if it involves a member of the Captain's family?"

"No Captain. It would be going against my programming and everything that Starfleet Medical stands for."

Janeway nodded her head in acceptance. "Thanks Doctor." She looks out the window of his office to the person lying peacefully on the biobed. "How is she doing?"

"She's doing good. If you need anything Captain don't hesitate to call". With that the Doctor deactivated and Kathryn went over to the biobed. Placing the palm of her hand against her daughter's cheek Kathryn brushed the hair out of Kimberley's face and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Oh Peanut. Why must you feel this need to keep secrets from me?"

Slowly Kimberley's eyes fluttered open as she slowly gained consciousness. "Michael? Nomes?" she croaked in a whisper, reaching her hand out.

"They're not here right now darling but mom is. How are you feeling sweetie?"

"Captain what happened? Why are you down in sickbay?"

"I came to see how you were feeling." Kimberley could clearly see the concern in Janeway's eyes and hear it in her voice when she spoke. "How did you find out I'd be here?" Kimberley asked.

"Lt. Paris told me this morning." Kimberley could not only hear the concern in the Captain's voice but disappointment also.

"He doesn't know all of it" Kimberley said quietly.

"I know about the abortion Kimberley." She turned her head away so Kathryn wouldn't see the tears forming in her eyes. Silently Janeway tucked Kimberley's hair behind her ear and watched the tears slide silently down her cheeks. "I'm sorry" Kimberley said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Why?" Kathryn asked as she began choking up as well. The doctor appeared to stay that Kimberley was free to go but was to stay off her feet as much as possible for the rest of the night.

"Doctor how is she doing psychologically?" Janeway asked while she waited for Kimberley to return from changing.

"She seems to be handling everything okay although she was very adamant on not telling you anything until after the procedure was done. Here she comes now."

"You ready to go Peanut?" taking Kimberley's hand they walked out of Sickbay together and into the turbolift. "Deck 4" Janeway ordered then turned and look at her daughter. "When we get back, you and I are going to sit down and have a talk." Kimberley knew that the only two acceptable answers were "yes ma'am" or nothing at all – she chose the latter.

- - - - -

Captain hi come on in. I'll grab Katelyn's things."

"thanks again for looking after her Samantha"

"It's my pleasure. Naomi says you weren't feeling well this morning and had to go to Sickbay. You're looking pretty good now" she said to Kimberley

"Thanks Aunt Sam. I am feeling better." After leaving the Wildman's quarters not another word was uttered by Kathryn until after they had stepped foot onto their own quarters one deck up.

- - - - -

Kathryn stood outside the door of her First Officer's room, finger hovering over the access panel. Taking a deep breath she pushed the button and waited. After a moment she heard his "come in" and walked in to find the lights dimmed; soft music playing; and the table set for an intimate dinner for two complete with candles. He met her at the door with a glass of wine in each hand. Handing one to her, he kissed her cheek and led her to the table. After dishing up their plates, and seating himself he said, "Kathryn I need to apologize for my actions in the briefing room this morning."

"When you went after Tom? Believe me I wanted to do the same thing. The fact that he kept a secret from me bothers me a great deal. I wonder how many other things are happening on my ship that I don't know about but should."

"Oh I'm sure nothing happens without you noticing. You might not let it be known that you know it's happening but you're too observant and protective of this ship. That's what makes you a great Captain."

"But not a great mother. These past 16 years have shown me why Captain's don't have families. It's because your job and your crew have to be your family."

"Kathryn that's not true and you know it. Take Admiral Paris for example. You said he was your Captain during your posting on the Albatani. Well he had a family back then."

"They weren't living on the ship with him! He had Starfleet within hailing distance so he could take a leave of absence if need be."

"You know what? Forget it. I'm not going to do this with you again Kathryn." Chakotay answered angrily. He cleared the dishes from table noticing that Kathryn had barely even touched her plate.

"Do _what_ with me?"

"Sit here and listen to you try to convince me that anything that ever happens is your fault because you got us stranded out here. What you did helped turn us into a family and the mistakes we make are of our own doing."

"Unless you're the Captain. In the end it always finds its way to the Captain. It won't matter what my logs say, there will be at least one Admiral who wants to put the blame on me."

"How many times have you told a person that they can't always control what happens?"

"Lots"

"Then why are you so insistent on blaming yourself?"

"I obviously did something wrong with raising my daughter if she isn't even wanting to share important events with her own mother."

"Come on Kathryn, you can't honestly tell me that you didn't keep any secrets from your own mother"

"Nothing as big as getting pregnant and having an abortion"

"Well now technically that's not true. You did keep your pregnancy with Kimberley a secret from your mom." Kathryn shot him a dark look, her mouth set in a firm straight line. "Okay, not funny, I get it. Sorry. Do you want me to talk to her?"

"I don't think she's talking to anyone." After a while they fell into a comfortable silence and he walked over to the replicator. Walking back he said to her "you didn't touch your dinner and the Doctor will surely have my hide if you don't eat something so close your eyes and open your mouth."

"What is it?" she asked frowning.

"Never mind asking questions, just do as you're told"

"Yes sir" she replied closing her eyes and opening her mouth. Feeling a spoon enter she closed her lips around it and as the contents slid off onto her tongue she smiled and said "mmm, coffee ice cream. You do know how to satisfy a woman."

"Glad you're enjoying it" he said pulling her against him so her back was against his chest. He continued feeding her the ice-cream while they talked about the latest ship's gossip.

- - - - -

As the weeks went by Kimberley returned to her regular self a little bit everyday. She had even been cleared by the EMH to go on working away missions. She loved exploring new spaces and was looking forward to tomorrow's project. There was two teams assigned to go to a nearby planet and collect specimens of the local plants and minerals; and also survey the land for historical purposes. Kimberley was trying to keep her baby sister entertained while going over the detals of tomorrow's assignment. Naomi absentmindedly reached for a padd from the pile beside her. "Oh gross"

"What?"

"They're all slobbery"

"Katelynn, give that to me." Kimberley reached over and took a different one out of her grasp. "Here chew on the scans from Stellar cartography." They both laughed when, after putting it in her mouth, she made a face that said "this is disgusting" and threw the padd onto the floor.

_**The next day:**_

The away team leader had paired Kimberley up with Lt. Nancy Brewer, an ex-Maquis who was still slightly bitter about Starfleet even after all these years. The two of them worked in absolute silence except for the occasional "over here". Finally Kimberley had had enough and confronted Nancy. "Lt. Brewer, what is your problem? You've barely said two words to me all day."

"I don't talk to sinners and baby killers."

"I beg your pardon?" she asked in shock and dismay.

"I said I don't associate with baby killers" Nancy repeated in a tone that suggested Kimberley was a complete idiot.

"How dare you call me a baby killer. If you were in my situation you may have done the same thing."

"No. I would never take away a child's chance at life. No matter what the situation. Now I suggest you get back to work so we don't put the mission behind schedule."

"Yes Lieutenant" Kimberley had noticed some interesting readings about 500 meters away. Using her tricorder she went in search of the source for the readings. She was only two feet away when the ground suddenly broke apart from underneath her and she fell down a 25 foot embankment.


	14. Chapter 14

Crystal Nelson and Jon Carson met up with Nancy an hour later. "Where's Kimberley?" John asked looking around. "I thought she was with you" Nancy said.

"Nope. Crystal, have you seen Kimberley?"

"Not since we split up after the briefing when we beamed down."

"Lt. Brewer to Crewman Janeway...come in Crewman Janeway"

"Why isn't she answering? Did something happen to her?"

"It's possible. You two start searching over in that area. I'll start in that area. Go!" Nancy ordered as they headed off in opposite directions. After searching for half an hour Crystal's tricorder picked up the place where Kim's comm badge was located. "Do you see her?" Jon asked.

"No but my tricorder says...hang on, I found a comm badge." Picking it up she scanned it and reported that is was Kim's. Looking around she cried out and began to shake in fear at the sight of a body lying limp on the rocks below. Jon recognized it as being Kimberley and immediately began descending down the hill. As he passed Crystal he shouted at her to get Nancy and the Captain.

"Kimberley!" he called out her name praying that she wasn't dead already. It felt like an eternity before he reached her. Dropping to her side he checked for signs of life. Placing two fingers on her neck he felt a weak pulse. Slapping his comm badge he reported, "Carson to away team, I found her. She's at the bottom of some quarry or...or...something, I don't know for sure. She's got a pulse but it's very weak and she's not responding to my voice."

"We're on our way Crewman. No matter what DO NOT move her. Keep this line open and report if her condition changes at all. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am". Placing a trembling hand on her face he whispered, "hang on Kim, help is on it's way. Don't you dare die on me, you hear me?" His voice cracked slightly as he blinked back his tears. He continued to check her vitals and talk to her as he waited for the others to arrive. Within moments he could hear shouts coming from above and saw Crystal making her way down. "No Crystal, you stay there" he said. He knew Crystal looked up to Kim with great admiration and was afraid that she wouldn't be able to handle the scene before her. Thirty seconds later Captain Janeway arrived and took control, ordering Voyager to beam the rest of the away team members back immediately. Making her way down the hill she called out for a report. "There's no change Captain. She still hasn't responded to my talking to her."

"Janeway to transporter room. Three to beam directly to sickbay."

"Aye Captain" acknowledged B'Elanna.

Chakotay entered Sickbay and found the Doctor rushing around the surgical bed, Kathryn stone-faced and numb just out of the Doctor's way and Jon Carson standing behind the Captain rigid and tall trying to not let his fear show – the way a true member of Starfleet is trained to do.

"She's stable for now Captain. I have repaired her internal injuries to the best of my abilities but there was a lot of damage done from the fall. She broke her right hip, and fractured her right leg in 3 places. Her left leg has been severely damaged and is being held together with metal rods. I counted at least 10 breaks but there could have been more. Her right wrist is also broken in 2 places. I've also managed to treat her head injuries but until she awakens there's nothing more I can do for her medically. She is probably going to need more surgeries to continue repairing the damage. I won't lie to you Captain, it's pretty grim. The best thing we can do for her now is pray that she wakes up soon."

"Thank you Doctor" Kathryn whispered unable to say anymore. Turning around she patted Jon's shoulder. "You heard the Doctor, there's nothing more to do right now. I'll inform you if something changes. I also want to commend you for taking control of the situation until help arrived. I will be sure to note it in my log."

"Thanks Captain" he replied and left. "Commander" he acknowledged with a nod of his head.

"Tuvok to the Captain. The away team reports are finished and ready for your review."

"Thank you Tuvok. Just put them on my desk and I'll get them after."

"Aye Captain, Tuvok out"

"Kathryn you go take care of the reports. I'll stay here with Kimberley. I'll let you know the minute something changes. Besides it'll keep your mind occupied rather than sitting down here fretting."

"I can't leave her now Chakotay, she needs me. What if she wakes up and I'm not here?"

"Then I'll call you...or the Doctor will. Kathryn go. The crew needs you now too."

"Computer open ship wide channel...Attention all Senior stuff, there will be a meeting in half an hour. Janeway out." Entering her ready room she sat in her chair and absently picked up a padd and began reading it. Before she realized it her computer alarm went off letting her know it was time for the meeting. Replicating a cup of coffee she walked over to her window and stared out. She said a silent prayer to look after Kimberley but not to take her from this world just yet. Taking a sip, Kathryn took one final breath, squared her shoulders and exited her sanctuary as she prepared herself mentally to be able to handle the different ways she will be breaking each heart in that room.


	15. Chapter 15

Kathryn stayed sitting in her chair as she watched her senior staff members exit from the room. She could see that the news of Kimberley's accident had shaken them but they were good officers & they wouldn't let it affect their ability to do their job.

Down in Sickbay, Kimberley felt herself slowly drifting back into consciousness. The more she awoke though, the more pain she started feeling. Her eyes were heavy and her head felt like it had been beaten against a rock. Lifting her arm took much effort for her and she gave up. When she did finally manage to get her eyes open she was assaulted with a bright light. She quickly closed them again with a groan and turned her head away. This quick movement brought on a welcoming blanket of darkness and she quickly embraced it. The next time she started regaining consciousness she heard a familiar voice talking to her. Her head still hurt but it wasn't as bright when she opened her eyes. She could feel something touching her hand and she realized she wasn't outdoors anymore. When Michael's face came into view she smiled. "Hi" she softly whispers. He smiles at the sound of her voice and answers back, "hi." He brushes her hair off her face and gazes into her beautiful eyes. The eyes he wasn't sure he'd ever see again. Leaning down he gently touches his lips to hers, kissing her ever so softly. Groggy as she is, Kimberley knows Michael's kiss anywhere. "I thought we were never going to get to do that again" he says when their lips part and they come up for air.

Kathryn is sitting on the couch of her ready room, a cold cup of coffee in her hand as she absently stares out of the window at the passing stars. She can't keep her mind off the fact that her daughter is laying in sickbay with serious injuries and there isn't a darn thing she can do about it. She is brought back to the present with the sound of the Doctor's voice hailing her. "Go ahead Doctor" she answers while setting the cup on the coffee table. "Captain I am pleased to announce that Ms. Janeway is awake." Kathryn jumps up. "Thank you Doctor I'm on my way. Janeway out." As she crosses onto the upper level of the Bridge towards the turbolift she turns control of the Bridge over to Tuvok. "Commander Chakotay you're with me." He waits until they are in the turbolift before asking "Kathryn?"

"Sickbay" she orders then gives a smile of hope. "The Doctor just informed me Kimberley is awake." They see Michael is with Kimberley when they walk in so they go to talk to the Doctor first.

"Her initial scans look good Captain" he says handing her a pad. "If she stays awake and alert, I will consider releasing her to her quarters at the end of Beta shift."

"Is she aware of the extent of her injuries?" Chakotay asks.

"In detail no, but she has also been heavily medicated and drifting in and out of consciousness since the accident. I wanted the Captain present when I talk to Kimberley."

"Let's do it then." Kathryn leads the way out of the Doctor's office and over to Kimberley's bed. "Michael will you please excuse us."

"Of course Captain" he says with a nod. Turning back to Kim he squeezes her hand and kisses the back of it. "I'll come by again later." Kathryn waits until the four of them are alone before she nods to the Doctor to begin giving Kimberley her diagnostic report.

*****

At the beginning of Gamma shift Chakotay goes down to Sickbay so he can take Kimberley back to her quarters since Kathryn is busy is Astrometrics. Just the effort alone of sitting up and getting off the bio-bed into a wheelchair seems to take most of Kimberley's energy. She is silent the whole way back to Deck 3. When the door opens she is happy to see her friends and a bunch of the other crew present also. They all visit for about half an hour then leave. The only ones who stay are Michael, Naomi, and Samantha Wildman who is babysitting Katelynn. Kimberley tries her best to stay awake for them but she's exhausted and has trouble keeping her eyes open. "Naomi, you and Michael may as well go back to your quarters now. Kimberley needs rest."

"I want to stay with her mom."

"No Naomi, you go. I'll stay with her until the Captain comes and relieves me."

"But mom…." Naomi says but catches the look Samantha gives her. She starts to argue again but realizes that trying to convince her mom now to let her stay will just wind up getting herself grounded. "You're _so_ not fair mom!" she says with an angry glare before storming out, Michael right behind her. He walks Naomi back to her quarters then goes to his own. Samantha helps Kimberley get into bed then turns out the light. "Aunt Sam?"

"Yes dear?"

"Can you bring Katie in here? I want her to lay with me until I fall asleep. I've missed her."

"Okay, until you fall asleep" Samantha agrees. After laying her little sister beside Kimberley, Samantha closes the bedroom door and waits for Kathryn to return.


	16. Chapter 16

It's been a month since her accident but Kimberly still has a lot of healing both physically and emotionally to do. Naomi and Michael come by everyday to see her and keep her company during my duties. She's helped me alot also by looking after Katelynn for me. Chakotay makes sure he is also checking up on both of us. If I didn't know him any better I would say he feels responsible for Kimberly's accident. He has no reason to though. If anyone is to blame for the accident I have to blame myself. Not because I'm her mother either but because I'm the Captain. I allowed her to go. Chakotay says I'm doing better of letting go of guilt, and he's right. If she were to make the same request again to join the away mission I would approve the request. I hear Katelynn stirring in her crib which means she's awake from her nap now so I better go. I love you mom. Give Phoebe a kiss from me too. Love, Kathryn.

"Computer save recording in Kathryn Janeway's personal letters file.

_File saved_. Kathryn stood up and went to get her little girl so they could join Kimberly on the Holodeck.

***

"Captain". Kim was surprised to see her mother in a dress standing on the pool deck. "I left my pips and rank at the door" Kathryn says with a smile as she sits down on the lounge chair beside Kim's. "Good choice of program."

"Neelix helped me. You really like it?"

"Yes honey I do." Katelynn crawls over Kathryn so she can sit with Kim. "How are you feeling today? You were quiet at breakfast."

"I didn't sleep very good. My legs and hips would hurt everytime I tried to move or roll over."

"You also had nightmares again didn't you?" Kim looks at her mother a little surprised. "You knew?" Kathryn nods her head. "I was working late at my desk and I heard you. I was going to go check on you but then I remembered how you don't like me doing that."

"It's the same dream all the time. I'm on the away mission and I'm taking scans of the minerals in the ground then I hear Lt. Brewer behind me saying that I took a life and so I shouldn't live...and then...I suddenly lose my footing and I'm falling...and I scream...and she's just standing there laughing at me!" By the time Kim finishes she's crying and wiping tears away futiley. Kathryn scoots herself over so she's sitting and facing Kim. Wiping at Kimberly's tears also she leans in, puts her arms around her neck and pulls her daughter to her. Kimberly clings to Kathryn, burying her face into her mother's neck and like a river breaking through a dam she breaks down in heartwrenching sobs. Kathryn feels her throat tighten and she has trouble swallowing past the lump in her throat. "Oh Peanut" she murmers softly as tears of her own escape down her cheeks.

They hold each other for a few minutes then Kimberly's sobs subside. "It wasn't an easy decision for me to make. I knew it was selfish of me to even think about doing it because I shouldn't have had sex and not expect the consequences but I couldn't raise a baby of my own when I practically am raising my own baby sister. It's not fair to force Michael into suddenly being a parent too. It's not the best thing I'm sure, but I didnt' know what else to do. I figured the sooner I did it then the sooner I could move on and forgot it ever happened." Kim looks at Kathryn, her face streaked with tears and her makeup smudged. "I can't seem to forget though mom. I was reading something yesterday and it said that by week 18 the mother starts feeling her baby move. That's how old the baby would be mom. Why would I think this even though I had the abortion? IT'S NOT FAIR!" Kimberly smacks her lounge chair angrily. Being a copier, katelynn does the same thing.

****

Kim is asleep during dinner so it's just Chakotay and Kathryn. "I'm worried about her Chakotay."

"Worried about who?" Chakotay suspects he knows the answer but having Kathryn admit she's worrying about someone makes him glad to see her human side.

"Kim. She's keeping to herself and spends hours in her room alone. The Doctor says her physical recovery is on track but she won't even volunteer for small on-board repair or maintenance duties. Has she talked to you about any personnel problems?"

"Even if she did, I wouldn't ethically be entitled to tell you if what we discussed was in confidence. You make sure that rule holds strong."

"But she's my daughter and I can't help but feel there's more and she's just not confiding in anyone." After a minute of silence Kathryn speaks again. "Tomorrow I'll have another talk with her."


	17. Chapter 17

Michael, Naomi and Kimberly are lounging by the pool in Neelix's resort program. "This feels so good after a long day in Astrometrics."

"I'd much rather be in Astrometrics with Seven than with the Doctor in physiotherapy." Kimberly says with a frown at the memory. Michael runs his hand along the damaged leg. "Oh sweetie, I tried to get away to be with you but Lt. Borshetta kept giving me some stupid new orders. I swear ever since I requested some trial shifts for security detail I'm doing all the menial "leftover" jobs that always get put to the end of the list because something more important comes up."

"Maybe next time we could make my therapy a security need in case I freak out and try attacking the Doctor." Kim smiles and puts her hand on his. Michael smiles too. "I think that's a good idea. Maybe we could submit a proposal to the Captain and Lt. Tuvok." Naomi watches the way Kim & Michael look at each other in silence. After another minute Naomi stands up. "Oh for crying out loud, just kiss each other already so you'll quit just staring."

"Well if you insist" Kim says with a smile to Michael. They lean into each other and moments later their lips are locked as their tongues dance together in each other's mouth. The kiss intensifies and Naomi being the friend she is, walks away to give them privacy. Walking out she goes to the control panel beside the doors and punches in a code to lock the doors until the program is over. Kimberly ran her hands through Michael's hair pulling his head in closer so she could deepen the kiss. Running her other hand under his t-shirt she lets it glide over his toned smooth skin touching every inch until she reaches his shoulders where she grabs hold and digs her fingers in a little more to hold on as her desire and passion to feel his body on and inside her climbs to great heights. Her ragged heavy breathing and passionate moans turn him on and make him physically react sexually. He cups her breast with his hand and gently squeezes it, wanting badly to remove the bikini top she is wearing. "Kim, you're so soft yet firm too. I want to take you so bad. I'm aroused just from touching you."

"Michael, I don't care what the Doctor says, I want to have you fully and completely." Kim lifts her hips to him and raises her knees opening her legs to him. She brings her hands lower and starts taking off his shorts to make her intentions clear. "Make love to me now Michael" she groans, "please." He stops and looks down at her, reading the look in her eyes, then sits up and takes off his shirt. "Computer lock Holodeck doors authorization Michael Paris Gamma 5 2 Beta." _Doors locked_ the computer confirms with a chime. Michael then goes over to a wall panel and punches something in coming back to Kim holding a male condom. "No more accidents" he tells her as he removes his shorts and stands in front of her totally naked. Sitting up she removes her bikini bottoms. "No more accidents." Lowering himself onto her he repositions both of them then proceeds with more foreplay before sliding himself into her and making mad, passionate, erotic love to her twice in a row.

"God Michael that was so wonderful."

"That was really wonderful wasn't it? I wish we could do it like that each and every night."

"Me too". _Ensign Carter to Crewman Janeway. _"Shit where's my shirt?" Kim asks Michael as they look for her combadge. _Crewman respond!_ "Michael we got to find it."

"Here it is" he says tossing it to her. She quickly activates her badge. "Kimberly Janeway here Ensign Carter."

"Crewman why are you not in Astrometrics?" Kim's eyes grew big as she stared at Michael with worry. 'Oh crap' she mouths. "Crewman answer me."

"I will be there right away Sir." She closes the link and hastily redresses. "I totally lost track of time."

"Meet me for dinner in the mess hall tonight" he says to her, leaving the holodeck.

****

Kimberly had worked later in Astrometrics than she had planned so she was unable to meet with Michael for dinner. "We'll get together for breakfast in the morning."

"I'm sorry Michael."

"Don't be sorry Kim. I'm not."

"I love you so much Michael Thomas Owen Paris." He smiles to himself and chuckles. "I love you too Kim. Now you better get home before you're late for your dinner." "Yes Sir" she mocks, closing the link and heading back to her quarters.

***

Kathryn was still working away and Chakotay was doing his own duties too. Kim drank in the silence of her quarters and just flopped down on the couch with a sigh of joy. She closed her eyes for only a moment but opened them again when she hears a little girl shout excitedly and seconds later little hands are clutching her pant leg and tugging on them. "Evening mom" Kimberley greets the Captain.

"Evening" Kathryn replies distractedly.

"Is there something the matter?"

Kathryn picks up Katelynn and places her in a corner with toys and erects the child gate before getting to her next item of business. "How was your day today?" Kathryn asks non-chalantly.

"It was pretty good."

"Just pretty good?"

"Okay it was terrific. I got to hang out on the holodeck with Michael for like 3 or 4 hours after physio this morning."

"You were with young Mr. Paris the whole time?"

"Yes mom, the whole time. Is there a problem with me spending time with my boyfriend?" Kim's voice turns defensive.

"There is when you miss part of a duty shift and your supervising officer has to track you down and it takes almost five minutes to answer your comm. Badge."

"I wasn't that late."

Kathryn activates the padd she is holding in her hand and starts reading from it. "Miss Janeway was contacted at 1413 hours and arrived in Astrometrics at 1430, fifteen minutes late for shift." Kathryn looks up at Kimberley silently waiting for an explanation.

"It wasn't an actual shift. I just said I would help with some readings. It's no big deal."

Kathryn's eyes flared with a spark of anger and much agitation. Her voice grew hard and her hand automatically came to rest on her hip while she held up the other hand waving the padd in the air for emphasis. "When I get a report like this it is a very _**BIG **_deal!"

"If it had been about anyone else on this ship you would never have even seen that report! It would have gone straight to daddy!" Kimberley had raised her voice too, her quick temper flaring up. Kathryn could see the anger in Kim's eyes and she knew that she had hit a sensitive subject.

"Well then I feel very special that I got to see it." Kathryn said in a calmer voice while giving Kim a sarcastic smile before tossing the padd down on her desk. "Go wash up for dinner please."

***

Later that night Kim laid in bed talking to Michael while Kathryn sat at the computer on her desk going over the latest fuel consumption reports, food provision reports, and the scans of the upcoming system that they are going to be passing through for the next couple months. "It's odd Michael. I thought for sure I was going to be thrown into the brig or at least confined to quarters for talking back to mom the way I did but... she hasn't said anything more about it since dinner."

"And that worries you?"

"yes that worries me. She can hold this in reserve for another time when she wants to get mad at someone but can't, then she can be mad at me for this."

"That's crazy. She wouldn't do that."

"Want to bet? The following months after Chakotay pissed her off with the Borg/Species 8472 war, I can't tell you the number of times I got yelled at for not having my room perfectly spotless or leaving one stray reading padd sitting on the table." Kim looked up and saw the tired look of frustration in the way Kathryn sat in her chair and rubbed at her eyes while yawning. "Michael, I'm going to go now. Meet for lunch tomorrow?"

"Okay sleep well. I'll be dreaming of you."

"I love you." Kim closes her computer and goes out to the living room. "Whatcha doing mom?"

"Nothing that concerns you Kimberley. I thought you had gone to bed." Kathryn ran her hand along her brow closing her eyes for a moment.

"I – I couldn't sleep... my lower back is bothering me" she lied.

"Do you need to go to Sickbay?" Kathryn's voice immediately shows concern.

"No!" Kim answers quickly. "No I'll be okay but maybe you should go have him give you something for your headache."

"I'll tell you what. If I go to Sickbay for a headache then you are coming with me to get something for your back."

Kim looks at her mom then turns away. "Okay you win, no Sickbay". Kathryn smiles. "I knew you'd see things my way."

"Mom, I'm sorry I was late for Astrometrics. It was just...."

"... you were spending time with your boyfriend, I know. I was young and in love once myself. You have to learn how to divide your time better. That's all."

"Are you still mad at me?"

"No honey I'm not mad. Just don't let it happen again or you will face punishment."

"Yes ma'am" Kimberley answers heading back to her room. Kathryn watches Kim go and a smile pulls at the corners of her mouth. "Sweet dreams" she softly says to her daughter before turning back to the reports strewn across her desk.

****

Voyager had once again found another area of space where the inhabited species weren't of the overly friendly variety. Kathryn is literally working around the clock and dragging herself down therefore when a cold virus starts going around the ship, she easily falls victim to it. Kimberley wakes up one morning and is surprised to find that Kathryn is still in bed asleep. "Computer what is the body temperature of Captain Janeway?"

"_Captain Janeway's core body temperature is currently 103.9 degrees Fahrenheit."_

"Kim Janeway to Commander Chakotay"

"_What is it Miss Janeway?"_

"The Captain is feeling under the weather and has a slight temperature. I think it would be best if she stays in her quarters and gets the rest she needs to ensure a fast recovery."

"_I will have Tuvok see to it that the Captain is not to be disturbed. Thank you Miss Janeway. Chakotay out."_ It was nearly noon when Kathryn finally wakes up. Rolling over she looks at her alarm and when she sees the time she leaps out of bed and hurriedly gets dressed then does her hair and makeup. _Damn why did he let me oversleep?_ she asks herself as she races down the hall, taking a swing by the mess hall to grab herself a cup of coffee on the way.

"Ah, Captain are you feeling better now?" Neelix asks in his always cheerful voice.

"I feel fine Neelix thank you." When Kathryn arrives on the Bridge, Chakotay stands with a smile on his face. "Afternoon Captain." Giving a pleasant smile back she nods her head to him and sits down in her chair. "Commander." She receives a report and checks the Navigation sensors then settles back in her chair. Looking straight ahead out the view screen she lowers her voice to ask Chakotay a question. "Why didn't you contact me when you saw I wasn't here for Alpha shift?"

His voice was just as quiet. "Kimberley told me you weren't feeling well and it would be better to just let you rest. You know if you were needed I would have alerted you immediately."

Kimberley came back to her quarters at lunchtime to check on Kathryn but she wasn't there. "Computer locate the Captain" she orders with an edge of panic in her voice.

_Captain Janeway is on the Bridge._

Kim started to leave to go to the mess hall to eat but Katelynn's cry caught her attention. "Katie? Katie what're you doing here all by yourself?" Kim picked up her sister and noticed she felt hot against Kim's skin. Going to the desk in the main room she picked up a tricorder and scanned Katelynn. "Ooh man Katie you are hot you got a fever. We need to get you better." Kim goes to the bathroom and runs cool water into the bathtub and adds some of Kathryn's 'relaxing' aromatherapy oils to the water. Next she changes into her bikini quickly then undresses Katelynn and gets in the tub with her, holding onto her sister with one hand while using her other hand to scoop up water and pour it over her sister's skin. She keeps Katelynn in the water for over an hour, until her poor little body is vibrating with shivers from the cool air on her damp skin, but she's no longer crying. Getting a tricorder Kim checks Katelynn's temperature again. "It's not great but it's down from earlier. Let's get you out now." Wrapping her sister in a towel she takes her back to the nursery and gets a diaper on Katelynn then gets a light blanket from the crib and wraps her in it. "There is that better? Oh you're still shivering." Kim adds a shirt from Kathryn's closet and holds her sister close to her, rocking back and forth. When Katelynn starts nuzzling around against Kim's breast she smiles. "Sorry kid, these girls are dry. How about some of mommy's though?" Replicating a bottle of milk Kim settles down on the chair and feeds her sister while singing softly. After she's burped, Katelynn is content being held in Kim's arms as she lays her head in the crook of Kim's neck, grasping Kim's hair in her tiny little fist. She listens to her big sister's melodic singing voice as she fights to keep her eyes open but eventually the battle is lost and her breathing slows to a rhythmic pace and doesn't change.

Kim lays down onto the couch and rubs Katelynn's back to put her back asleep when she stirs from being moved. "Computer dim lights to lowest setting and lock door to Captain's quarters. Also play a selection from Captain Janeway's classical database at a quiet setting." Kim closes her eyes and slowly nods off herself. In the middle of the night Kim wakes up again and Katelynn is still warm so she gets a cool cloth and wipes down Katelynn with it then gets some juice and puts in a bottle for her. Laying back down the way they were, in Kim's room this time, Katelynn drinks the bottle while Kim keeps the cold cloth on her neck to cool her off again. They eventually fall back to sleep again. They don't hear Kathryn coming in after shift or getting ready the next morning. It wasn't until 1600 hours that Kathryn took the time to see how her baby was. Walking into her quarters she immediately got worried when Katelynn wasn't in her crib. She was about to use the computer to find Katelynn when she heard Kim in the bathroom talking and the sound of water splashing. "Kimberley, where's your sister?" Kathryn asks going into the bathroom.

"She's right here Captain." Katelynn had started splashing water everywhere as she flailed her arms and kicked her legs when she heard her mommy's voice. She let out a shrill holler and held her arms out to Kathryn who immediately grabbed her daughter from the tub. "Hello to you too my little one. You feel a little warm, are you getting sick?" Running a tricorder over her sister Kim smiles at the results. "Actually her fever has broke since last night's bath."

"She had a bath last night too?"

"Ya she was running a fever so I ran a cool bath for her and set her in it, leaving her there until she was like totally shivering everywhere then I gave her a bottle and we visited before she felt asleep for awhile."

"Did she have a fever last night?"

"Ya but it wasn't really bad and I didn't feel like it was something I should bother you with since you had gotten on duty late. I wanted to test myself to see how well I deal with a sick child. That and you still aren't 100% better so you shouldn't have to get yourself better while getting her better too."

"She's my daughter which means that I have to put you guys ahead of myself. I appreciate what you did though Kimberley."

"Could I go see if maybe Lt. Torres needs some help in Engineering now that you're here?"

"Sure. Give me a moment to get Katelynn dressed and we'll go together."

"Okay". That evening Kathryn gave Kim the night off of having to eat dinner as a family. Instead she looked after Katelynn and let Chakotay look after making dinner.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Kathryn's P.O.V.**_

_Another year in the Delta Quadrant has come and gone again already. It has been a very interesting year also. Many exciting adventures discovering new worlds, systems and whole species. The majority have been friendly adn accommodating but no mission would be real without a few blunders and nail biting, hair raising close encounters. I can't stress enough how impressed I am with my crew. Time and time again they amaze me with their ability to set aside any personal feelings or objections they may have and work together as a team to get out of the current situation._

_I have noticed a big change in Seven the most. Her growth to continue understanding and embracing humanity has reassured myself that I did indeed do the right thing when I freed her from the collective. Kimberley has made a full recovery from her accident other than some nagging pain in her leg when she has been on it for too long. Our relationship is rocky still but for the most part it has gotten better. She's more willing to help care for Katelynn now. I think her abortion has made her look at life through a new set of eyes._

_Katelynn, my dear baby girl, is a story all her own. As she has gotten older I am seeing a little bit of Jaffen in her. I can just imagine what will happen when Starfleet reads the report and learn that not only did I become involved with an alien, I let myself get pregnant by said alien and I chose to keep her. As much as I love my daughters, though, they are both a handful. If it weren't for Chakotay I would have lost my mind with them long ago. He is definitely the best thing that came out of this whole mission. I still find it hard to believe sometimes that the man I was sent to capture and was my enemy would actually become my best friend and intimate confidante. It's nice to have someone to turn to who will show me he is angry at me, or can share a laugh with me. He also lets Kimberley call him 'dad' and he loves both girls like his own. He will make a fine father one day when he gets a chance to find that perfect someone – if that chance ever comes._

Kathryn's thoughts are interrupted by a call to report to the Bridge. "Report!" she orders as she steps off the turbolift. "We have entered an area that looks very promising for being able to stock up on supplies and possibly much needed repairs for Voyager." Kathryn sits in her chair and pulls up teh sensor scans on the console that sits between her & Chakotay. She smiles as she reads them. "This definitely looks promising. There's multiple places we could collect different materials to turn into fuels and the Doctor could maybe even use some things to make medicines. Chakotay IK want every department to make lists of needed supplies by the end of Alpha shift today."

"Yes Captain"

"In the meantime Mr. Kim, I would like you to send a standard greeting to the populated areas, see who responds."

"Aye Captain" he responds as his fingers already start moving over his console.

*****

Today had been a good day for Kathryn for once. Everything worked in her favour. All the supply requests weren't out of reason; all teh worlds they had hailed responded with pleasant acceptance, all willing to make trade negotiations and they were looking forward to meeting the infamous Captain Janeway of Voyager. After reading the reports she went and talked to the Chief Officer of each department arranging for them to join her during trade negotiations. The overall mood on the ship was an excited high energy one. It had been awhile since anyone had been able to take shore leave and if things went well she even considered taking a day to do some sightseeing herself. When she got to her quarters she was pleasantly surprised to find the table already set and Kimberley dishing up mess hall foods that she had brought back here. Katelynn was sitting in her highchair picking at a few cubes of a cookie bread to keep her quiet. "Well my goodness, this is a nice surprise" Kathryn says with a smile.

"Num num" Katelynn says as she holds out a piece of cookie for her mom. "Mmm that is yummy." Kathryn agrees letting her daughter feed her the cookie. She watches Kim silently dish out the food. "Kim, is there something bothering you that you would like to talk about?"

"Not right now, no." Kim opens her comm. Link, "daddy dinner is ready and mom's here now."

Chakotay arrives a minute later and is equally as surprised. During dinner he notices too how quiet Kim is being. When they finish eating Kathryn takes Katelynn to give her a bath, leaving Chakotay and Kimberley alone. "You're unusually quiet. What is bothering you?"

"I don't want mom to know"

"Depending on what it is that's bothering you she might not have to know."

"But she'll want to know. I just...I don't want to keep having duty shifts with a certain crew member because I can't work efficiently when I'm with her."

"What do you mean?" Chakotay asked, his attention fully on her now.

"She makes me feel like I'm not important because I don't have a rank"

"Not important how?"

"Just the way she orders me to do stuff and she wants to watch over me as if I don't know what I'm doing."

"Does this other person outrank you?"

"Yes, she's an Ensign"

"Well Kim, if she outranks you, then she has the authority to give you orders and you are obliged to follow those orders."

"I know that daddy and I don't have a problem with that part. It's just the _way_ she tells me what to do. Like I'm stupid and shouldn't even be doing the tasks that I have been assigned to do by you or some other member of the crew. I get along fine with everyone else in that department."

"Who is the Ensign you don't get along with?"

"Canasper." Just then Kathryn comes out of the bathroom holding a towel wrapped 17 month old. "What about Ensign Canasper?" Kim looks to Chakotay with a silent pleading look. This was what she was afraid would happen. "Chakotay? Kimberley?" Kathryn's voice was full of curiosity and a hint of authority. Chakotay looks once more to Kim before turning back to Kathryn. "We were just talking about the way they the two of them work together, that's all." Kathryn silently looks at the two of them deciding if she should insert her authority for knowing more but decides against it. "Well she's an excellent worker and great officer." Kathryn heads off to Katelynn's room to get her ready for bed. When they are alone, Kim hugs Chakotay. "Thank you for not telling her more."

"I'll work on the duty roster to make sure you don't have shifts with her, and I'll also have a talk to her about your concern."

****

It is the last day that Voyager is in orbit and the day that Chakotay, with the Doctor's help, ordered Kathryn to take a day of shore leave. Kimberley was already out of bed and dressed when Kathryn got up. "Morning sweetheart."

"Morning mom. Could I go on my shore leave with you?"

"I thought you would want to spend it with Michael and Naomi or other friends."

"No. You and I never get to do anything together on shore leaves because you never take them." Kathryn felt a small wave of guilt wash over her momentarily from Kim's comment. "Okay. If you want to" she agrees, getting herself a coffee.

An hour and a half later Kathryn and her 2 daughters are standing at the beam out site on the planet. They could see animals grazing in the fields, houses dotting the hills, and the noise from all the people in the town market. They spent the day shopping, eating, visiting with friendly merchants and taking a guided tour of the village learning about the vast history of it. They made themselves a picknic dinner and ate it by a local lake as they watched the sun slowly turnt eh sky different shades of red, pink, orange and yellow. Snuggling up beside her mom, Kimberley leaned over and rested her head on Kathryn's shoulder. "Did you ahve a good day today sweetie?" Kathryn asked as she puts her arm around Kim's shoulder and looks down at her daughter. She notices a tear silently slide down Kim's cheek. "Kim?" she asks again this time her voice conveying concern.

"I'll never forget today for as long as I live. I love you mom. Even when I'm mad at you and bummed because I don't always see you much. I'm glad you're my mom." Kathryn choked up as she heard her daughter say these words. "Besides, when you get us all home we'll have plenty of time to catch up with each other. Kim looks at the Captain and a smile appears on her lips and widens when she sees how emotional Kathryn is. "We should probably be getting back to Voyager before Commander Chakotay sends Tuvok down here or he comes to get you himself."

"You're right. I'm glad you enjoyed today." That evening Kathryn climbed into bed with a renewed feeling of confidence that Voyager will one day be flying among the familiar stars of the Alpha Quadrant – the familiar stars of a place she once knew and called 'home'.

**THE END**


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